If only....

I was the woman the little girl inside me sees.




Working on it! Thanks Jandee for sharing!  

To My Angels:

A Child's Angel
by Erma Bombeck

Once upon a time, there was a child ready to be born.

She asked God:

"They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

God: "Among the many angels, I chose one especially for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

Child: "But tell me, here in Heaven, I don't do anything else but sing and smile, and that's enough for me to be happy. Will I be happy there?"

God: "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. You will feel your angel's love and be happy."

Child: "How am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language that men talk?"

God: "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear. With much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

Child: "And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God: "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

Child: "I've heard that on earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?"

God: "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking her own life."

Child: "But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God: "Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth could already be heard.

The child, in a hurry, asked softly:

"Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."

God: "Your angel's name is of no importance.
You will call your angel ... Mommy."

How grateful I am to all of the "Mommy's" in my life, especially my dear sweet Mom. She has taught me so much of charity and love, of forgiveness, or seeing the very best in people, and she is closer to the Savior than anyone else I know. Even now as I have struggles in my life she still reminds me that I am not alone, and that I need to turn to My Heavenly Father and rely on the atonement to make it through this life. She has not had an easy life, and I have caused a lot of those gray hairs she tries to hide, but she still loves me unconditionally. Thank you Mom!

Thanks to all of you other "Mommys" who have been such wonderful examples to me. I have been truly blessed by the mothers in my life, whether you wear the title of grandma, sister & sister in laws, aunt, cousin, friend. Your children are so lucky to have you in their lives, as am I.

“Motherhood …is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels." 

 ~James R. Clark

"We know that birth takes a woman from one place in her life to another. The birth of a child certainly does change her viewpoint of herself and I believe her viewpoint of the world." 

 ~ Sameerah Shareef

Happy Mothers Day to You All!

Hugs,
Bec

No Snow 5k

So this weekend I got to do something that I haven't done in a long while and really miss.

I ran/walked a 5k!  Yep that is a big deal for me!  It has been a long time since I have felt good enough to do anything like this.

Thanks to Jim, Justin, Andy, Char & Jana for doing it with me.  You guys are great...Hopefully we will have many more ahead. 

 

"Even the most distant dream can be realized with determination and persistence."

My life is but a weaving

“When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: either there will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught to fly.”



It seems like life has a hard way of teaching me this.  It also has a hard way of teaching me patience, you know...the one thing I don't have time for.  The last few weeks have been chalk full of disappointment and heartache, but I am sure that there is something to learn from all of it.  Some days I fret about how slow I learn things that a loving Heavenly Father is trying to teach me, other days I get discouraged by all of the missed opportunities I have to help those around me.  And then there are still times when I don't slow down enough that I could hear anything.  My challenge to me today... Slow down, breath, be happy, and trust that Heavenly Father is in charge.  Hopefully I can become the person He knows I can be. 


My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me
I let Him choose the colours
He worketh subtlety.


Oft times He worketh sorrow
and I within my heart
Forget He sees the pattern
While I see only the part.


The dark threads were as needful
In the weaver's skilful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver,
In the pattern He had planned.


Not till the room is silent,
And the shuttle ceases to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas,
And explain the reason why.


~Author Unknown

Dear Kortni

Dear Kortni -

Some days it seems like time stands still and others it seems as if it is flying by.  Today is one of those flying by days.  It is really hard for me to realize that you are celebrating your big 14th birthday today.  I still remember going to the hospital seeing you so tiny, hooked up to all those crazy machines and tubes when you were born.  I thought the doctor was trying to kill you when he flipped your small body over and your head didn't move. It was hard for us to be so exited and scared all at the same time.  I loved shopping in the premee section, trying to find you clothes to wear since you were so early.  I remember watching them fold the new born diapers over, and then over again, just to get them to fit.  You were so small, the size of a video tape in weight and size! 

Tonight Korti - the big 14!  And how I wish that I could share the day with you, at least a phone call, a card, a love, but I did have many many thoughts about you.  I hope that where ever you are in the world that you know your Aunt Bec loves you.   You are always in my thoughts and prayers!  I spend a lot of time wondering who you look like now?  Do you still have that sweet birthmark on your cheek or did you grow out of it like the Doctors said you would?  Are you still as smart as you were when I last saw you?  Do you still love animals the way you did?  I hope that you still have your sweet giggle - that melted my heart every time.  Did you gain your Mom's good sense of humor?  Do you still hate pink? All questions I wish I could ask you.  I sometimes imagine who you are today, wondering if you would know me if I saw you.  Sometimes I dream about our reunion...it always brings me happy thoughts! 

One of my most favorite memories are when we did our hair and dressed alike.  I hope that you got a copy of those pictures somewhere, because they are treasures to me.  You always had such a sweet smile! 

I hope you don't mind if I have a birthday wish for you today.  My birthday wish for you is that you are growing up to be a strong young women who knows who she is.  I hope that your testimony of the gospel is growing and that you have a good relationship with Heavenly Father.  I hope you can feel the love of a family who cares about you very much, even if we can't see you.  I hope you know that you are not alone.  

Kortni - You are one of the reasons that I want to live better each day.  You are one of the reasons I have hope.  I am hoping for that day that through the atonement all tears and hurt will be gone.  And most of all, I hope you know that someday when you are ready, that I am here, just aching to love you.You are a very important part of our family!  I'll save a seat for you...right next to me!

Missing you more every day! 

Love,

Aunt Bec

Well then...

So I am still alive... I know some days even I wonder that.  Looking at my blog I realized that it has been a really long time since I wrote an informative post, and not just something that I felt good about. 

It is funny to realize that we are half way through January, and guess what... No new years resolutions. It was on my to do list for the last three weeks, but I always run out of day before I run out of things!  Besides, it is easier to keep them if you don't make them right.  Instead I decided I am just going to try and be better every day.  There are a bizillion little things that I need to do every day, and I am hoping that they will add up to be big changes.  You know those changes that you can look back and say... Why did I ever live like that?   I know it is easy to get discouraged and think I need to do it all at once, but this last year has brought me some harsh but great reality.  I can't do it all.  Sorry to all of those who I had fooled into thinking I was super girl! (Okay... I am being honest...Sorry Sid) It just isn't possible nor is it supposed to be. 

So what am I doing these days?? 

First of all... I am smiling.  Have you ever noticed how many funny things there are in the world?  I am also smiling about all of the blessings that I receive daily.  I have a great life! 

I am also still serving in the YW presidency in my ward.  I am almost positive that I have the best YW in the entire world in my ward.  This weekend we took them on an overnight trip and they stayed up all night giggling.  Okay... a little honesty...yesterday at 3pm when I came home and crashed for 15 hours I might have not been thinking that, but today....It's True!  I feel like Heavenly Father must know how much I need the strength of these wonderful YW to keep me moving forward in life.  They make me smile a lot.

I started school last week...AGAIN.  I am still a junior in status, but after this semester I will have over 100 credits.  Sadly, most of those are just fluffy electives that are doing me no good towards my degree program, but look at all the knowledge I am gaining in re-doing them. (Trying to convince myself)!  I am not sure when I will be done...Someday!  I am just trying to apply that "Cheerfully do all things" part of the scriptures.  I am realizing that Math should be required of all college Freshman and that they should have to continue doing it until they have all of the required math classes done.  Patience! 

I am still working at Pinnacle Security.  We have made some well needed changes to our departments management, and it is back to where I enjoy going to work.  We are starting the beginning of our busy season, and it looks like I will be traveling again this year.  It is fun to get out of the office every once in a while and still get paid for it! 

And Finally.... I am starting to feel healthy again after having mono, swine flu, and every other flu bug that went around the state of Utah this fall.  I started walking this week thanks to the help of my sweet friend Jana.  It has been hard to get back into the swing of things.  I had to laugh while walking the other day...a lady ran past me and I just thought to myself.  I used to think this was fun.  Even though it isn't fun right now I am so very thankful that I actually have enough energy that I can do it. 

"When asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty
my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup."
Sam Lefkowitz

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the times that you have supported and lifted me, to help keep me smiling... when I thought I couldn't go on another day. I am smiling, and it is because of such wonderful family and friends like you! Hope you are all well and happy.  

Where are you Christmas?

Tonight as I was taking my sweet little niece and nephews home a Christmas song came on the radio.  Kaelee, my niece who is 13 turned up the radio so she could here it.  It was the song from the Grinch who Stole Christmas "Where are you Christmas".  I brought back a memory of a Christmas party where I had made Kaelee stand up and sing it in front of a ton of people.  What a cute little song it turned out to be.  What a sweet Christmas that was.

As the song went on I couldn't help but think:  This is my Christmas Theme Song.  I fondly remember Christmases that I couldn't wait for them to come, where I was exited about everything.  This year I didn't even hang a Christmas ornament.  I feel like so much has been going on that I haven't had the time to enjoy Christmas.  I spent one day shopping and that wasn't even shopping really.   I didn't even get Christmas cards out this year. 




As hard as it is, I realize that Christmas isn't all of the things that I put so much stock into.  It isn't about getting the perfect gift or decorating the tree or even the wonderful smells of Christmas.  Christmas is about celebrating the life of my Savior and what he did for me.  It is about spending quality time with those I love, it is about reaching out to those around.  Christmas is about forgetting yourself.   

So to you all... I wish you a Merry Christmas. 

May you have a moment to reflect on the love of the season.

I hope that your heart is touched when you think of all the sweet people who care so much about you, and include me in that list.  

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. "  Dr. Seuss