When I Can't Speak

Tonight, well...I just don't know. There are 9,072 things I need to be doing RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT, (I am leaving for Girls camp at 6 am on Monday morning) but I feel like I need to document some of the thoughts and feelings of my heart and life right now.


7 things....


Do you know how blessed I am? This week I have had some beyond amazing moments. It is amazing what you can see when you look for it. In part of my preparation for camp I have asked a few of the leaders and girls to be looking for ways that My Heavenly Father shows me He loves me. While this seems like a simple thing this has been an amazing experience. Do you want to know what some of those ways are: (Because I think some all of them are amazing)


I saw my Fathers love for me in the quite hours of 4:30 am when I was struggling with some Math homework and I just wasn't getting it, but after a simple simple prayer of "I NEED HELP" the heavens must have opened, and all of the sudden it clicked. I was able to finish my homework in speedy time restoring some home that I might actually make it through the week. ---On a side note, tonight I heard an amen to that experience during a conversation where the following song was mentioned.

I felt Heavenly Fathers love as He answered a very very direct and heartfelt prayer on behalf of someone who is very important in my life.  As hard as it has been for me in my life, there have been times, lots of them actually where my prayers have not been answered in either the way that I thought they needed to be, or at the time I wanted them.  This sometimes...well sometimes...okay honestly most times ends with me throwing some kind of temper tantrum.  I knew as I got up from my knees after my prayer on Tuesday morning that not only did Heavenly Father hear that prayer and the prayers of others who had been praying for the same thing but that my righteous desires and prayers would have a happy answer...What a blessing that was.  Honestly, I think the "Natural Bec" gets in the way to many times and I allow myself to hear or feel the answers.  I wish it wasn't so, but most of the times when I am saying my prayers it is with one eye open (Not literally, but kind of) thinking of all the things I still have to do before I run out the door (I might also add that I am probably already 15 minutes late at that point) or I am bobbing my head like the crazy musician who really gets into her music, you know the ones I am talking about...the ones you worry about hitting the piano with their head because they are moving so much - because I am so so tired.  Something I have on my list of things to work on.  


Another way that I saw my Heavenly Fathers love was letting me see pictures of beautiful sunsets that were in the works for years, but never hit me quite like they did one night.  I was able to go to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple with one of the sweet girls I was blessed to watch grow as I served in the young womens presidency. I felt the Love of the Father as I sat in the temple, knowing that My Heavenly Father knows me a lot better that I know me because He sees the Becca who will be, not the Becca who gets caught up in the lists of the places where I fall short in life.  My Heavenly Fathers sees me as a peacemaker (I know what you are thinking...I had to pick my mother up off the floor when she heard someone describe me using that word as well) My Heavenly Father sees me as a special daughter of His who sometimes gets lost, and sometimes has to try to solve the problem every possible way before she finally and very reluctantly turns for help.  But that night in the temple, my Heavenly Father saw me as his daughter who just needed to feel that it was going to be okay...Honestly, at this point in my life I do not know what okay is...Good things are in the works for me, Great things are in the works for me, but I know as I listened sweetly to what my ears would not hear I felt that sweet assurance.  

Another way that Heavenly Father showed His love for me was through some of my best friends.  Earlier in the week I was complaining in a prayer about how I just didn't know it was all going to get done with everything I wanted to do.  The thought I had was that I needed to simplify... I still hadn't decided that was really the right course of action.  After a long night of me complaining about how I had so much going on these sweet friends volunteered to help me, even when they aren't in my ward or in my calling.  They helped me because of Love...they helped me because they care, they helped me because that is who they are.  They helped me even after I offended them (Which I do often...Ladies I am sorry)...I thought that I had when I when I drove away....For Such a Time As This....


And fourth of all...yet another way that My Heavenly Father loves me is that He knows exactly what I need...I know I already said that, but seriously, He honestly knows.  Months ago I approached a friend about participating  in  event the last couple of days that it JUST WHAT I NEED.  I didn't know when I asked her about it that I was going to be called to help with girls camp, I did not know that I would finally follow the promptings to follow the Lord and quit my job without anything else lined up, I did not know that I would have yet another serious struggle because of others agency, and finally I did not know at that time back months ago that I would be ready to throw in the towel and just quit everything this week.  I think Heavenly Father knew...Actually I know He knew.  The event just happened to be the  TIME OUT that I needed.  Not only did I need to go to time out (Because I probably have done a lot of naughty stuff in the last few months that completely merit me going to time out) but I needed to go with some amazing ladies...

Stacy and I

The Group of Sweet Sisters...Even the adoptive one...
And check out that I am taller than Stacy ...heels are amazing
Cathryn, Kim, Me, Stacy

Kim, Stacy & I

Stacy was the very first friend I made in Utah.  She and I worked together right after I moved up to Utah, and she was amazing.  I can't tell you how many times I cried on her shoulder, she even let me get really mad when I needed to.  She helped me to see that I could be a good person, something I was seriously doubting at that time.  She filled a gap from a friendship that I lost because of my mistakes and bad choices. 

  
God does notice us, and He watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.  

Spencer W. Kimball

Today, as Mercy River sang "We All Need Saving" I felt my Heavenly Fathers love as I was reassured that Stacy and I were meant to help each other through some hard times together.  I knew my Father loved me today enough to send the me more "Ah Hah" moments as one of the presents sang a very special song that I am sure was written just for me, but it might apply to you as well.  

I am thankful that Heavenly Father won't give up on me.  I am thankful for the ways He shows me that He loves me.  I am thankful that He puts just the right people in my life, at exactly the right moment that I need them.   I am thankful that He is with me through my trials, that through those trials I can learn and grow and be better.  And something that I NEVER though I would say, I am thankful that He has given me this time to become, to become the best friend, wife, mother, person...the best Becca I can possibly be.  I am thankful He knows what is in my heart, even when I can't find the words to speak.  

And now, back to my list of 9,072 things I have to do before Monday 6 am.  Hope you are doing well!