Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time there was a girl who had an amazing life.  One that she absolutely loved.  One where she was happy and involved in something else besides work...Unfortuantly I don't really know who that girl is...Ha Ha just kidding! 

I realized this week that I have missed all of the little things that I have done in the past.  I mean really missed them, but I am here to say I am NEVER going to have another week like that again.  EVER!! I know, I am a bit of a drama queen! 

But and foremost you need to understand something.  I LOVE MY JOB!  Really I do.  The people I work with are great, my boss's are great, the work is great, the hours, the location, it's all great.  Except for when it's not.  Except for when someone sends you a report that is COMPLETELY Wrong and you have to spend almost every waking second of your life trying to fix their mistakes by a crazy almost ridiclous deadline. 

But even with all of the craziness, this week had a really GREAT event!  One of greatest and best friends got married, and what a beautiful bride she was!  Because my boss's are really great they let me take the day off to be there. Although there was something that I am not really ready to talk about yet that happened, I was so glad that I was there and able to see her smile that day! 

Stacy's Reception
Two of my GREATEST and BEST Friends
Don't judge me, I had been awake for over 24 hours at this point! 

Stacy is one of those people that Heavenly Father knew I needed in my life and sent her at the exact time I needed her.  She was my first friend that I made in Utah, and has helped me through some of my very very darkest days in the last 5 years.  She is one of those people who aren't afraid to be honest with me, even when it isn't easy.  She has held my hand through the worst and encouraged me to be my best.  She is just amazing!!! And now she is married! 

Mr. & Mrs. Reynolds

I got to spend a little extra time just bieng still on Tuesday outside the temple.  I realized that I don't create enough of those expericences in my life.  Those moments where I can be still and Heavenly Father can talk to me.  But...I am going to do better at that.  After I get that down then maybe I can learn to not argue with what He tells me...line upon line right!

Another blessing of the week was spending some time with Lisa & Hondo.  They are great!  Amazingly great! More of those people...right time right place people.  I hope that someday I can have the kind of relationship that they have with someone. 

Lisa and I
After some sleep :)

Sadly though, this week there was also a really really really bad day.  One where I was so disspointed with myself. A day that I labeled myself as an EPIC.FAILURE. and it was completely true. To my bosses who didn't fire me, I owe you!  To all of my friends that I let down that day, I am so very sorry!  To all of those that stepped in to save the day, Thank you!  To the sweet janitor lady who came in and cleaned up the bathroom after I threw up EVERYWHERE, Bless you!  And to next week - I am looking forward to a good week! 

What Will I Do...

To say this week has been tough might be an understatment.  Maybe a huge one.  It's been hard for all of us I think - Us being my family.   The whole waterworks show started again every time I would log on to one of my least favorite places to see what my sisters had on their walls - Hannah and her silly shirt that I hope she always keeps - Heather missing Dad's help with a project she is doing - Shell had some really sweet pictures - I stole one of them from her. 

My Dad LOVED to cook...when it came to cooking in a dutch oven he was a master! 
He REALLY LOVED to cook breakfast for the hundreds of people every year at our family Reunion
I don't think that breakfast will EVER be the same, for anyone

 Several times this week in the middle of one of my many eye cleansing sessions I have had thoughts to remind me this isn't forever and with that came a small sense of comfort but as quickly as they would come my natural Bec - the one who just misses her Dad would start with the millions of questions.  Why - most of them all begin with why, but there were a few of the what's questions too...What do I need to start or stop doing so that this doesn't have to be forever, What would He tell me if He could call me on the phone, What will it be like to see him again...just to share a small few.

This week every one of my prayers have included something about asking to be able to feel the comfort of my Dad (Thanks Mig), and tonight I got a sweet text from a friend asking how I was doing and if I was going to be okay tomorrow (technically today right). When I told her I would make it through the day whether I wanted to or not she responded with another one of those comforting thoughts "I know your Dad is proud of you and is thinking about you as much as you think about and miss him. I am praying for you to feel him close" Isnt' it great when others are praying for what you think you need too.  Thank you Myndi.  I really appreciate all of you who are praying for us today. 

A few years ago for fathers day I got my Dad a picture that had the favorite quote:

This was how my Dad lived his life.  He didn't care about living in a mansion or driving a new car or the toys that others have.  My Dad cared about people.  He cared about his friends - regardless if they were in his 11 year old scout group or people he grew up with.  He cared about his family.  He cared about me. He wasn't perfect, we had our good share of fights and disagreements, and there were plenty of times when I didn't understand some of the things he did, but I always knew He loved me.  So, even if it is only my world - which I know it isn't - the world is a much better place because people were important to my Dad. 

 About 15 years (yikes) ago I heard a song that made me completely change some plans that I had been thinking.  You can think I am silly all you want, but bieng the planner that I am it was the song that I wanted to dance with my Dad to at my wedding.  That is the whole reason that I had one of the wierdest receptions and had a "program" at my reception was so that I could dance with my Dad to this song. 

And maybe it's not cool that I share this picture, because of the circumstances of everything, but if you don't think it's okay, just scroll down a little quickly. 

I wish I had the picture that was taken right after this to show here instead...It was a closeup of my Dad's face, I love it! 

Never had I imagined that the day that My dad would be gone would come so quickly into my life.  Every Day I still miss him, Every day I still have thoughts about calling him to ask him something, every day I still wish he was here to help me work my way through the latest mess I have created for myself (those seem to change daily).  But I am also trying to focus on becoming more like him focusing on the fact that no one was a stranger to my Dad, he would always talk to people wherever he went and when he was done with the conversation they usually felt like they had been talking to a friend.  That is something I want to be better about.  Working on it.  

So it's fathers day...Can I be too emotional and say - Don't take it for granted.  Those of you who still have your Dad's here, make sure they know how much you love them.  Someday you might have to experience your first fathers day without him - when all you want to do is call him up to tell him about your day, or a certain problem you need him to help you work through or simply just to say Hi.  You will wish you could send him that silly card that would make him smile.  You will want to just visit with him.

And to my sweet family: I often have to chuckle a little bit when I think of "He's Busy" ... Maybe that is because he is in a position where he can in some what communicate with some of his more stubborn children (I think I fall into that category - Stubborn that is).  I know that today will be a day of tears, and I say that is just fine.  But how lucky are we - lucky to know that we that promise of forever if we start living that way today.  We can do it...Dad's there helping us. 

“When messengers are sent to minister to the inhabitants of this earth,

they are not strangers,

but from the ranks of our kindred, friends, and fellow-beings and fellow-servants...

Our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth,

having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges,

may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again,

bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction,

to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh.”

(Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1970, pp. 435–36.)

Happy Fathers Day - Sending my love to heaven! 

Art-6.13.12

Wish I remembered this more often...Working on it! 

Maybe...just maybe

So I guess I need to apologize to you Anna for not keeping up with my daily posts, but after working 60+ hours last week I didn't have much time. So much for being an active participate in my life huh...

But back to today...

It's been a rough afternoon, a rough evening, a rough night. It seems like 8i just can't get these darn tears to stop. Driving home tonight I got a little chuckle in the mix of the tears my thought:

Maybe Dads up there giving his famous "boo hoo hoo" that he always used to make us laugh when we would cry in sad movies or just to lighten the mood.

And that led to -

Maybe he is shaking his head thinking pull it together Bec, if you could only see the whole picture you wouldn't be crying about this.

And that led to -

Maybe, just maybe he is some corner of Heaven looking down on his girls, missing them too, crying his own tears.

And maybe I am crazy! That is still up for debate, all I know is that I miss him tonight. Just like everyday.

Close Up - 6.4.12

any clue on what this might be.  Yes it is a close up of me!  

It would be a close up of the excessive glitter in my hair from Saturday night.

(Yes, I did wash my hair, 3 times after this)

(and yes, there is still a little bit of glitter in my hair)

So here is the story...If you ever do something WILD and CRAZY to try and make sure a very AMAZING group of young women know how special they are...and if that thing could ever pass as slightly funny...and if that person helps you to be the spitfire you really are...

...chances are you are going to get asked to do it (or at least dress up like that) again, and again, and again.

But we are getting better at it!  Well the dressing up for it anyway!  

Abby & Cadabby make an appearance at the Boy Scout Carnival
Supported by their dream fairy in training, Miss Blanche!

Scary Part of this particular night...They wanted me to paint faces.  Like carnival faces...I did okay, but there was some poor little boy that had a green line on his face that looked like a worm with teeth, posing as a crocodile that I feel really bad about!  

My favorite of the night was when we were kneeling down to have family prayer, I had just got home and hadn't had time to shower yet and my cousin Trevor who was visiting from California says

 "You CAN'T pray like that", 

but I did anyway!  

On my plate - 6.3.12

Literally because I don't even want to think of what is on my plate for next week.

I Love summer eating! I think I could live off of Salads and never get tired of it! Ever! I also love grilled food! Also eating in the back yard. All good things!

I know it's a full plate but it was fast Sunday - I think that deserves a pass on portion sizes!

Empty - 6.2.12

Empty Arms
Broken Hearts
Empty Today's
Promised Tomorrow's

Such a sweet memorial for a tiny man who touched so many lives without even taking a breath.

Morning 6.1.12

One of my favorite times of day is at 4:30 am. I love that it's a brand new day, usually without to many mistakes.

That hasn't been the case the last week. It might be because I have been working crazy crazy hours but still.

This picture served a reminder that sunrises still happen, even if my experience with mornings has been the small pictures on the sides. Unfortunately those are the times I am finally making it home from work.