Monday Memories

A memory shared by Stef.  I loved this! 

One Sunday we were driving from home and there was an elderly couple had a flat at the turn off into Shone's dam. We drove by and then suddenly without saying anything Dad turned around and pulled up next to their car. As we watched and chatted with the couple Dad changed the tire in his white shirt and dress pants...he could have gone home and dropped us off and changed his clothes and then come back but instead he stopped to help immediately

...you know Dad he could never turn down someone in need. 

Christmas 2009
Troy, Toni, Kris, Justin, Heather, Stef
Grandma, Mom, Dad
Shell, Bec

Because We Have Today...(Nothing Wordless About it)

Can I tell you a secret...Okay it's not really a secret, especially if you know me.  I LOVE MUSIC. Tonight I had a particularly amazing musical experience, one that I plan on talking about for a long while, but I it brought some thoughts that I just feel like need to be shared.  With that said...YOU NEED TO GO BUY HILARY WEEKS NEW CD!!! Buy it now, it will make more sense when I talk about it later.  And if you buy it before October 29th you save some $$.  Who doesn't love that!  Back to the post:

8 weeks ago my life changed. 

It changed completely.

It changed Forever.

It has been the most difficult change I have ever faced.  

I was in the second week of my fall semester, sitting in the middle of an institute class, talking about how the gospel of Jesus Christ gives us the strength to endure to the end, when my phone buzzed letting me know I had a new text message. Of course I ignored it and thought it was no big deal, the class was almost over.

As I stood up to leave the Institute building and head back up the hill to my next class I started reading the message. Honestly I didn't get it. I couldn't comprehend it.

Accident

Dad

Helicopter

CPR

I immediately called my sister Heather who had sent the text, both she and I were in tears and then came the uncontrollable screams. My Dad was gone.

Over the last 8 weeks there have been many miracles and tender mercies in our family, but there have also been some extremely hard challenges that we have been faced with.

One of the hardest of those challenges for me was realizing that I didn't get to tell my Dad goodbye.  I took for granted the fact that He would always be there, anytime I needed Him.  Almost daily I realize yet another area where I counted on my Dad, where I needed his opinion, where I depended on His inspiration.  Again, almost daily I have the thought to call Dad, but making that call isn't possible now.  Every day I still miss Him, I still cry, and it's still hard.  I know that my life is never going to be the same.

When I was on my way to Arizona the night I lost my Dad I remember sending a text message to my friend Drew, asking him how I was supposed to get through this.  His response is something that I have to remind myself on an almost daily basis "Take deep breaths, be thankful for the family that you do have, and spend time serving them"  Honestly, one of the best tidbits of advice I have received, something that it brought to mind A LOT. Of course, I am a pro at the deep breaths at this point, but still struggling with the gratitude and serving, but something I am working at.  (Thanks again Drew)

Back to Tonight... I went to the release concert for Hilary Weeks new cd "Every Step". (THANK YOU KALEB)  In the middle of all of her FABULOUS new stuff she pulled out this "oldy but goody" as she called it.  "If I Only Had Today", (you can listen to it by clicking on the music player on my sidebar on the left - it's the first song). Of course my first thought was that sad rememberence that I didn't get to say goodbye to Dad, but as Hilary continued to sing my heart was softened a bit. Instead of thinking "wo is me" I was filled with a sweet comfort and the thoughts Drew shared with me came back into my head...."spend time serving them".

Because of the experiences of the last 8 weeks my today's mean so much more.  I am trying not to take the people who I hold dear for granted.  I would like to think I am more patient, more forgiving, more loving.  More eager to serve those around me, and slower in making rash judgments. I am trying to be more grateful for the small blessings in my life-the hugs, the smiles, the simple hello's. Because of the last 8 weeks I am trying to be more prayerful and spend more "knee time" asking how I can be an instrument in the Lord's hands and then following the promptings given. Because I have today, I am trying to be more like my Dad, more tenderhearted, more Christlike. Because I have today, I am trying to live the kind of life he would want me to live.

So can you do me a favor? 

 Because you have today... 

take that few minutes and tell your Dad you love him, do something kind for your Mom, spend some time with your kids, call that sister, text that nephew.  Let someone know how much you appreciate them in your life.  Do those things that you have on your "someday list"

  Remember that today is our gift and we never know when we won't have them anymore. 

“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.”

Forest E. Witcraft

I think that can be said if we are important in the life of anyone. 

 If I Only Had Today

Hilary Weeks

It seems like I've watched a million sunsets

and stared at a thousand full moons

Sometimes it feels like I've been here forever

and sometimes it all feels brand new.

I could never count the heartbeats

from the day I was born until now

But not a single one goes unnoticed 

by Him who breaths life in me somehow.  

But If there were no more tomorrows

I knew that I could not stay

I know how I'd spend every minute,

If I only Had today.

I'd hold you and listen 

I'd let the dishes set in the sink.

I'd tell you I love you over and over

and for once I'd just let the phone ring. 

Then I'd remind you of forever 

and how our love would never change

If I only had today.

I'd wake up before the sun did

and I'd watch as you quietly sleep

I'd pray for time to move slowly

knowing the moment won't keep

All the gifts that heaven has given

every blessing that's come my way

Wouldn't mean anything without you

So if I only had today...

I'd hold you and listen 

I'd memorize every detail of your face

I'd tell you I loved you over and over

I wouldn't let excuses get in the way.

Then I'd remind you of forever 

and how our love would never change

If I only had today.

There's no time like the present

Life doesn't come with any guaranties

The sun will set, time won't wait

so while I have today...

I'll hold you and listen

I'll let the dishes set in the sink.

I'll tell you I love you over and over

For once I'd just let the phone ring. 

I'll remind you of forever 

and how our love will never change

Because I have today.

Because I have today. 

How thankful I am for all of the WONDERFUL Memories of yesterday's that help me get through the Today's without my Dad.  

I Love You Dad. 

Monday Memory - Shared by Heather

Today's Memory is one from my sister, Heather - the only one who has contributed to my "Monday Memory" of my Dad, Kenneth Penrod so far.  I hate to sound desperate, but please, anyone who reads this...If you have a memory of my Dad, please, Please, PLEASE....Please share it with us.  I really would like to be able to have these written down so that we (his family, HE STILL HAS MANY TO COME) can enjoy them.  You can e-mail them to me at becca.boo82@yahoo.com or leave a comment here.

One time we were driving down the highway by the junior high and this dog runs out into the road and dad hits him. The dog was hurt pretty badly so dad thought he better just shoot him. I am crying and begging him not to do it and dad is saying he is just going to suffer, and at some point dad is crying about it to. We ended up loading the dog up and finding someone in Snowflake who offered to take care of the dog and got it back to its owner after it recovered, I don't remember if it was a vet or just someone dad knew but it was important to me that the dog be ok so it was important to dad to.

This is a picture of Specks - My Parents current Dog.

I think my Dad named him Specks because he looked like he had glasses on 

because of the rings around his eyes

This is my Dad & Missy (my Dog)

When I moved to Utah I couldn't bring her with me so my parents took her.

I think my Dad really enjoyed having her around. He spoiled her ALOT.  

I think I might have had to fight with him to get her back. 

My Dad always had a huge heart when it came to Animals.  He didn't like to hunt because he hated to kill the animals. 

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it (or something like that)

Fabulous Happenings of the Week:

My Mom 

came to see me, and she brought Kristin.  Yay for people coming, especially Mom!  Sometimes I pretend to be a strong and confident person who doesn't need to cry to Mom anymore, but it's not true.  I wish I lived closer on most days, and I miss them so much when they leave. 

Cars 2

I went to see this with Mom and Kris on Friday night.  

I LOVED the first Cars, and really enjoyed the 2nd one as well

It made me feel closer to Dad for the night, He too loved Cars, and was a huge fan of Mater.

Spending an afternoon with Friends and people I love

On Saturday I got to spend a few hours being crafty and domestic with some of the best people I know.  

We had a Poppy Seed Project craft day, and made some pretty amazing pictures.  Thanks everyone for coming and spending the afternoon with me.  

Witches Night Out

TALK ABOUT FUN.  Because the Temple class took so long Kris and I didn't have time to do our makeup, but my cousins K,J, & C went all out and looked FABULOUS!!!! It was really fun spending time with them.  My favorite part of the night was desert (of course) at Olive Garden.  We all got a good laugh out of watching the girls try and eat with their noses on.  

 I have been struggling with posing lately..

The Whole Group 

A Sunday Afternoon Drive - Fall Version

After fixing us a Scrumptious Dinner Mathew and Heidi took us for a BEAUTIFULLY FABULOUS afternoon drive.  It was SO PRETTY!   

Spending some quiet time with Kris

Kristin found out on Monday morning that someone that she was very close to passed away.  This woman was a young mother of Kris's adopted nieces and nephews and one of her baptisms.   My Heart goes out to this family.  It is hard to feel so helpless knowing that there isn't a thing you can do other than pray for them.  It brought me closer to those wonderful people who have been praying for me and my family. Since Kris obviously couldn't go to Chile to comfort the family we decided to make a little video to send them.  THANK HEAVENS for facebook!  

Luckily the programs all worked out well, and we were able to make this quickly.  

NOT SO FAB:  Mom and Kris Leaving (I hate that part)

Back to Fabulous:

Jamba Juice with Stacy

It was really good to see Stacy, always FABULOUS.  She treated me to a lovely Jamba Juice, and I even splurged and got the Smoothy with icecream or sherbert or whatever they make it with.  Normally I try and stick with the healthy all fruit one.  It was a nice change.  We Giggled ALOT (It might have been because of our background music, straight up Disney), and she just let me whine about my life, which was not my plan that day.  She is one of those AMAZINGLY FABULOUS people who have faith in me right now, when I struggle with having faith in myself.  This reminded me of her.  

Dinner with a friend

Fabulous Mexican Food

Fabulous Dinner Conversation

Fabulous Company

Fabulous Honesty
Fabulous Start of Something FABULOUS

Institute

It made my heart happy that someone else asked a question that I was to chicken to ask.  We were talking about Elder Ballards talk "Finding Joy through Loving Service" and the question was asked:

How can we free ourselves from this tangled web of challenges and uncertainties to find peace of mind and happiness?

Well, of course we decided that it was to serve others.  At this point my brave friend (whose name I don't know) raised his hand and asked "and what about when you serve all you can, and you still feel unhappy and uncertain about the world".  Yep, he might have just stole the words right out of my mouth.  

His question led to some great discussion which has lead to some really great study time for me.  I am still working on coming up with an answer, but in the meantime I loved this quote from the talk:

“… Unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives” ( Pres. Monson, “What Have I Done for Someone Today?” Liahona andEnsign, Nov. 2009, 85).

Spending time in the GILES home

Stacey and James are FABULOUS.  It was so great to spend some time with them. (Sorry it was so late guys).  I felt like I could be 110% honest, and I knew that they didn't care.  I really appreciate their comforting and encouraging influence in my life.  

As a highlight, I was apparently at the right place at the right time, thanks Brother Shelley for the FABULOUS bread.  It was so yummy!  

Temple with Amy

Have I ever expressed that I have FABULOUS friends.  There you have it, I just did.  By the way, my friends are some of the most kind and unselfish people in the world. Amy was kind enough to take time out of her crazy life and go the temple with me.  

It was really hard, but where I needed to be.  


Bunco
Did I mention I have amazing friends. No but really I do!
We started a monthly Bunco group and it has been so much fun. 
This month was no exception at all.  Thank you Jana and Lorri for hosting A FABULOUS evening.  
It was just what I needed.  In the spirit of Halloween we all dressed up.  

Marshmallow Sunday's
Stacey Giles is FABULOUS.  Even though she may not think so she is a SAINT. I am so grateful that she is willing to listen to me whine and complain about my life.  We had a fabulous visit  this week while eating Dairy Queen.  She helped me feel confident about dealing with some contention in my life.  Bless Her!  


Flannel Sheets & Electric Blankets
I LOVE my flannel sheets and electric blanket.  It makes going to bed at night a lot nicer when you get into a nice warm bed, and can stay that way all night!  

Hope your week was as FABULOUS as mine. 

Almost Wordless Wednesday

The earth in its pristine beauty is an expression of the nature of its Creator. 

Gordon B. Hinckley

 My Dad would always take us to look at the leaves. He would tell us stories of growing up working in the woods.  I think the reason I love nature so much is because He took the time to teach us to enjoy it and to find the beauty in it. 

Dad, I miss you A LOT today.

 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.”

Title quote by: Marriane Williamson

This week was fabulous because: 

(in the order they happened) 

spent some time being domestic

Thanks Amy & Myndi for your help

Sonia - I hope you enjoy them, You are beautiful inside and out.  Praying that you will have strength and you will kick this cancer in the rear!  

 Went for an afternoon drive up Provo Canyon

Got to see 2 of my loves:

1 - Nature in the FALL

2 - Waterfalls

 Spent some time reading, studying, praying & crying in 

my new favorite spot

I like it because it is quiet. 

 I like it because it reminds me to have hope. 

I like it because I can see the temple (Well at least Moroni).

a reminder to find joy and hope in all things

the green grass of summer, the orange leaves of fall, and the snow of winter

I taught my first Sunday School lesson

I have a great class, full of very FABULOUS teenagers from 12-15

We talked about President David O. McKay and his role as an ambassador for Christ

My Favorite quote from the lesson:

Thanks TODD for helping me with this.  I really appreciate your insight 

(even if you did make me cry)

Clean House & Laundry DONE!!

What is not fabulous about that!

A week of soup

Over and out

(Good news, I did lose 9 pounds last week)

Running with Stacey

LOVE IT

I learned how to use the MAPS on my new phone

and didn't get lost going to Spanish Fork

(this might have happened the week before)

(Thanks Jeremy for teaching me how to use the phone (and talking me into getting it in the first place)) 

The Moon

I LOVE IT WHEN IT IS A FULL MOON!!!

Especially when I am running.

YES, I do sing "Somewhere out there" whenever I see a full moon.  

A better understanding of "DESIRE"

Thanks Elder Oaks & Bro. Anderson

End of the Summer at Work

Everyone is a little less stressed because our busy season is over, but there are also a lot of people who come back to the office.  This week I got to see a lot of my favorite sales team.  It makes my job great when people really care about how you are doing.

Letting Go

Realizing that as much as I want to I can not make every choice for every person, and that includes making people like me or want to spend time with me.  This is something that is SO HARD for me because I just want everyone (most importantly myself) to just be happy.  This week I "let go" of a couple of relationships realizing that some things are just not meant to be, and it's okay.  It doesn't make me or them bad people, it makes us human.  

Cleaning out my e-mails and my desk

Isn't it nice to just declutter...

(of course it would have been nicer if it hadn't been because I am loosing my job)

Meeting new friends and spending time with Old one's

I have so many great people I call friends.  This week I had the opportunity to meet a couple of new ones (Thank You K for a fun night!)

Late Night Texts 

that are answers to prayers

It really really makes a girl feel GREAT when after saying a heartfelt prayer that just one thing will be okay in life she receives a text or an e-mail from someone, nothing to part the clouds and take away all of the bad, but just something to say "I'm thinking about you. or How are you"

(Thanks Wes and Myndi for your FABULOUS TIMING, They always come right when I need them)

Spending Time in the Smith Home

You know those houses where you always feel welcome, even if it is midnight, you need a shower, your makeup is smeared all over your face, and you are in your PJ's.  That is the Smith house for me. Thanks for always letting me come down, even when it's not easy and all I want to do is cry.  Thanks for helping me cry, and letting me feel the sweet spirit of your little family. 

Priesthood Blessings

Spoke words that I needed to hear, gave me strength to look for the future, helped me find direction in this trying time.  Gave me peace and conformation. Even an Amen. A tender mercy for sure. 

A Phone Call From One of My Favorite People EVER

Can you please tell me what 15 year old teenager calls their Aunts, just because they "feel like you need to talk" like she called me because she felt like I needed to talk!?! Do you know how LUCKY I am.  Sorry, but I have some of the very most amazing nieces and nephews in the entire world.  Kaelee is one of the most special people in my life, and I love her so much.  She is growing up to be a pretty amazing young lady (not to mention she is GORGEOUS).  Thank you so much Sister Sue for thinking of me tonight.  You may have made my whole week.  Nothing like making Aunt Bec feel important and loved. 

Dinner/Breakfast with Wes

My Friend Wes is AMAZING!  As previously mentioned he always seems to know exactly when I need a special reminder of the good in life, and this week He has been that reminder TWICE!  He took me to Dinner/Breakfast and just let me talk.  He is kind enough to recognize that I may be keeping my game face up right now, and is still patient and kind enough to see that deep down I don't get it, and life is hard, but deeper down inside there is somebody inside me worth caring about.  And He has a REALLY REALLY GREAT LAUGH - that I wish I could hear more often.  Thanks Again Wes!  

People (Particularly Bosses) Who are Good People

This week I found out my current position at Pinnacle is being eliminated, meaning at some point today (Friday) I will walk into a conference room and set down with my boss and the HR manager to conduct an exit interview, and then shortly after walk out the door and be unemployed.  While I have been looking for the lightening cloud to strike me at any point, or the bus to come plow me over, or the train to be de-railed on my car because honestly...what else can happen; there have been two VERY GOOD MEN who have struggled with a decision that needed to be carried through. Rich Goates and John Barlow might forever be in my book as HERO's because I know that they truly care about me, and what a blessing they have been in my life.  I feel like tomorrow I can walk away knowing that they did all they could do to give me opportunities to grow and improve.  I have greatly appreciated all of their concern,support and patience through the last five years.  What a blessing they have been in my life.   Two people who have changed my life "for good". 

speaking of 

FOR GOOD

music has always been close to my heart, and it seems that this song has particular meaning this week as I have and continue to say goodbye and close a few different chapters in my life.  To those in the Pinnacle Chapter I thank you.  Life wouldn’t be the same without you and all the memories you have givin me. Know that in some way, you have changed my life "for good".

  

For Good from Wicked

(from Kristin Chenoweth's final performance)

Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.

 I am pretty blessed aren't I. 

Have a fabulous week.  

  

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Let's be honest, I haven't done a Wednesday Post that is wordless yet. 

Thanks Ashley for sharing this...it made my heart smile.

Memory Monday

My Parents taught me to work. Every morning before school we would wake up early and do our housework or "Chores" so that when we came home from school we could run the hills, or do whatever else we thought we needed to.

My Dad always found us jobs to do as a family.  One summer we cut trees to make "Latias" I am sure that is not how you spell it.  Basically they were the logs used for staircase railings.

I don't remember exactly why, I think it might have been because of fire restrictions that summer but we had to get up and be in the woods just as soon as it got light, which was EXTREMELY early during the summer.  I am sure that it wasn't fun for my Mom and Dad to drag our lazy bums out of bed every morning so we could go cut logs, but they kept doing it.  I think most of the kids slept on the way out to the woods, but we always sang (or slept again) on the way home.  I also remember Dad would always bring us Oatmeal Cream Pies, and I always looked forward to the break from the saws when we could enjoy them.  We each had a particular job to do while we were out there.  My job was to measure and mark the trees.  My Dad or brother would go through and cut the trees down, and then me and my little sister would measure a certain length on the tree and then mark it with a funny crayon so that Dad could come back and cut the tree to the right length shortly after.  The little kids (I was kind of one of those) would have a few minutes to play before Dad had enough trees cut and we were out of the way just enough so we didn't have to worry about a tree falling on us, and then we were hard at work.  We had some great forts that we created out in those forests. After we had whatever we were going to for the day we would all go to work loading the logs up into the trailer.  I always hated this because that is when I would get dirty and covered in pine gum, but it had to be done.

We would bring the logs home where Dad and a few of my uncles had set up an operation to peel the logs.  All of the bark had to come off.  So my older siblings, Dad & Mom would go to work. I used the excuse that I was to little to hold up the peeler a heavy piece of steel that my Uncle Randle had made for us to make the job easier, and I was to short to really see the top of the log when it was on the stands used to hold it up for the peeling. This usually meant that us little brats (Sorry girls) had to make sure we cleaned the house.  At the time it seemed torturous, but now it is a precious memory.  Now I really love that summer. I wish we could do it again.  ( I would probably eat the words of that last sentence if I was doing it again wouldn't I)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that parents taught me and my siblings the value of hard work and determination.  The great thing was that they didn't do it by what they said necessarily, but just how they lived.  I hope that I can be known hard workers like they are, and that I can someday teach that to my children.

This week I was looking for things to put on my Dad's headstone, and I found this.  It made me smile.

What is a Father

(Paul Harvey)

A father is a thing that is forced to endure childbirth, without an anesthetic.

A father is a thing that growls when it feels good–and laughs loud when it’s scared half to death.

A father never feels entirely worthy of worship in his child’s eyes. He never is quite the hero his daughter thinks, never quite the man his son believes him to be. This worries him, sometimes, so he works too hard to try and smooth the rough places in the road for those of his own who will follow him.

A father is a thing that gets very angry when school grades aren’t as good as he thinks they should be. He scolds his son although he knows it’s the teacher’s fault.

Fathers grow old faster than other people.

And while mothers can cry where it shows, fathers stand there and beam outside–and die inside. Fathers have very stout hearts, so they have to be broken sometimes or no one would know what is inside. Fathers give daughters away to other men who aren’t nearly good enough so they can have grandchildren who are smarter than anybody’s. Fathers fight dragons almost daily. They hurry away from the breakfast table, off to the arena which is sometimes called an office or a workshop…where they tackle the dragon with three heads: Weariness, Work and Monotony.

Knights in shining armor.

Fathers make bets with insurance companies about who will live the longest. Though they know the odds, they keep right on betting. Even as the odds get higher and higher, they keep right on betting more and more.

And one day they lose.

But fathers enjoy an earthly immortality and the bet is paid off to the part of him he leaves behind.

I don’t know where fathers go when they die. But I have an idea that after a good rest, he won’t be happy unless there is work to do. He won’t just sit on a cloud and wait for the girl he’s loved and the children she bore. He’ll be busy there, too…oiling the gates, smoothing the way.

(Paul Harvey)

“I did not know I had so many tears. I’ve tried to hide most of them. Not that I’m ashamed of tears, but seeing them in my eyes brings them too often to the cheeks of others and I wouldn’t spread sorrow too widely."

Title Quote by S. Michael Wilcox

One of my favorite music artists of all time is Hilary Weeks.  I have learned to love the honesty in her music.  In the last few weeks (hard to believe it will be 6 this week) I have been following her blog closely waiting for the release of her next cd.  Every once in a while she put snippets and parts of the songs that will be on that CD.  I have LOVED reading the stories of how the songs came to be.

Today I was particularly touched by the song she shared.  It's been a hard day.  Many Many Tears.  I didn't listen to the prompting to bear my testimony in sacrament meeting because I was scared.  I don't like crying in front of other people.  I don't do it very pretty, and usually I can't communicate when I do.  Sometimes I think I look like this when I do.    It's not that I know that people wouldn't love me if I just stood up there and cried, but let's be honest..I let my natural man take over and talk be out of it.  I guess I forgot that the spirit would be there to comfort and help me share my testimony.

The lesson today in Relief Society was on the Postmortal Spirit World.  I am sure on any other given day, I might have found comfort in that, but not today.  Today I selfishly just missed my Dad.  I am sure I was a great distraction as I sat in the class and sobbed for a bit.  I thought about walking out, but I didn't want to offend the sweet sister who was teaching, the same sweet sister who has lost her husband and son at the same time.  So I sat there. Dealing with this particular Gethsemane.  Crying my eyes out. Knowing that My Dad is happy, but wishing that I could run home from Church and call him on the phone. After the lesson a sweet sister who has always been such a comfort to me IMMEDIATELY came and found me, and just let me cry some more.  What a blessing she is to me. She often reminds me that there are many people waiting there to cry with me, that I don't have to do it alone.  I plan on reading the lesson again shortly, but today, I just can't do it.

After Church I went for a drive up Provo Canyon.  The World is beautiful out there, the colors are amazing, the air is wonderful. My Dad would have loved it...More tears, but also a small amount of peace came with this drive.

So back to the song. You just need to go to Hilary's blog and read about it.  It was a story that I need today.  I know that it's okay that I cry today, that these tears and this sorrow will eventually be bearable, that this isn't there home, but today...Today it's okay.