Saturday afternoon I was yet again in tears (an almost constant state for me at the time) thinking that surely no one cared about me. I know, woe is me right… (please don’t feel bad, that isn’t the point of the story) when I set down to watch the afternoon conference I had started to lose faith that I was going to hear anything helpful and had decided that General Conference was only for those people who were perfect (because I knew so many at the time…right), it was only for those who weren’t struggling, who remembered who they were, it was for everyone else but me. Still, I and sat and watched…And then it happened. This kind old man who I imagined to be the sweetest Grandpa in the world got up to talk, and I was comforted. The whole time he was speaking I thought that surely this is how my Grandpa’s would be if either of them were alive. I fell in love with cute little Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, and I had a wonderful spiritual experience during his talk. The funny thing, he wasn’t talking about how to save your marriage, or how to overcome adversity. In fact his talk "Sunday Will Come", was nothing I thought I had been looking for. Still, with his words came a feeling of comfort and peace. I knew that I was not alone in my trials and that I had a loving Heavenly Father who was aware of exactly what I was going through, and that they wouldn’t last forever. My Favorite quote from that talk was is this:
"Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.
But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come.
In this life or the next,
Sunday will come."
(Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, October 2006)
Now fast forward a couple of years to 2008…I am in Utah moving forward with my life. I would like to humor you all and tell you that I was a completely different person and that I didn’t have any struggles or cares at all. That is partly true, kind of. I had grown and become such a better person, (some people even considered me to be nice if you can believe that), but like everyone I still had my struggles. Sure, I wasn’t as deep in the dumps as I was during 2006, but I was still facing a little bit of the blues. Life just wasn’t going the way that I wanted it to, or the way I thought it should. I had spent the year before really taking care of myself, eating well and exercising like I should, even running a marathon. I thought for sure I would have been married and on my way to my happily ever after…But I wasn’t. Early that summer I had let the stress of my crazy job get to me and was currently dealing with stomach ulcers (thanks heavens for Malox, I could drink that stuff by the cups). So I couldn’t run anymore, I wasn’t dating Prince Charming, I wasn’t in school, work was so crazy…Blah Blah (I know…I have nothing at all to complain about) to say the least I was discouraged.
I found myself again looking for some words of wisdom to solve all of my problems as October conference rolled around. I will be honest and say that I was not as prepared for that conference the way I should have. At that time I was working too much and sleeping too little and so when my weekends rolled around I usually slept them away trying to make up for the lack of sleep during the week. Saturday morning conference was great…a great nap. I tried (not very hard) to stay awake and take notes but it just didn’t happen. Saturday afternoon rolled around and I had given up any hope of staying awake for the session. As they read the sustaining of the church officers I had a great “pondering session” about the Lehi’s dream. I thought I was out for the count, and then I heard it…The voice of the sweetest Grandpa in the whole world. This time he sounded a little older, but I knew he was going to say something great. I was right. Do you remember that talk, “Come What May, and Love It”… Who didn’t love that talk. Again, I imagined it would have been just what either one of my Grandpa’s would have said if they were still here so the talk became very personal to me. He discussed many things in his talk but his conclusion to that talk summed it all up:
"As we look for humor, seek for the eternal perspective, understand the principle of compensation, and draw near to our Heavenly Father, we can endure hardship and trial. We can say, as did my mother,
“Come what may, and love it.”
(Joseph B. Wirthlin, October 2008)
I don’t know if you are anything like me, probably not, but sometimes I forget stuff. I forget in my moments of trials and heartache that there is a bigger plan. I get so focused on my own woe and misery that I forget to see the good in my life. And honestly there are times (Sometimes it minutes, sometimes hours, and yes, even still sometimes days) when I don’t want to see the good. I just want to wallow in my misery. As I have been attempting to focus more on the eternal perspective of things I have had a lot of thoughts that have brought me back to my Dad. I spend a lot of time thinking about how hard it has to be for him to see me upset like this. I don’t know about you, but I never liked disappointing Him, and I certainly don’t want to do it now. I know that He understands that this is hard, but I also know that He would want me to find ways to have strength again.
The last couple of days I have been having some thoughts about my perspective. I used to use a word a lot… A whole lot…everything in my life was “FABULOUS”. Sadly, that is a word that usually comes out of my mouth in a very sarcastic way anymore. In my attempt to “look for humor and seek an eternal perspective I have decided to start a “Fabulous Friday” post on my blog. It will be a place that I can “count my blessings” if you will and share the goodness of my life.
Now, I know, trust me, I know, there will be days when I don’t feel like there is anything “Fabulous”, but I also know that there are a lot of blessings, silver linings, tender mercies that I am missing because I am not looking for them. I hope that you don’t think this means that “I am over it” and that it doesn’t hurt that my Dad is gone, because it still does. Everyday. Most of the day. But I know my Dad would probably say “Come What May, and Love It”
