Dear Kortni

Dear Kortni -

Some days it seems like time stands still and others it seems as if it is flying by.  Today is one of those flying by days.  It is really hard for me to realize that you are celebrating your big 14th birthday today.  I still remember going to the hospital seeing you so tiny, hooked up to all those crazy machines and tubes when you were born.  I thought the doctor was trying to kill you when he flipped your small body over and your head didn't move. It was hard for us to be so exited and scared all at the same time.  I loved shopping in the premee section, trying to find you clothes to wear since you were so early.  I remember watching them fold the new born diapers over, and then over again, just to get them to fit.  You were so small, the size of a video tape in weight and size! 

Tonight Korti - the big 14!  And how I wish that I could share the day with you, at least a phone call, a card, a love, but I did have many many thoughts about you.  I hope that where ever you are in the world that you know your Aunt Bec loves you.   You are always in my thoughts and prayers!  I spend a lot of time wondering who you look like now?  Do you still have that sweet birthmark on your cheek or did you grow out of it like the Doctors said you would?  Are you still as smart as you were when I last saw you?  Do you still love animals the way you did?  I hope that you still have your sweet giggle - that melted my heart every time.  Did you gain your Mom's good sense of humor?  Do you still hate pink? All questions I wish I could ask you.  I sometimes imagine who you are today, wondering if you would know me if I saw you.  Sometimes I dream about our reunion...it always brings me happy thoughts! 

One of my most favorite memories are when we did our hair and dressed alike.  I hope that you got a copy of those pictures somewhere, because they are treasures to me.  You always had such a sweet smile! 

I hope you don't mind if I have a birthday wish for you today.  My birthday wish for you is that you are growing up to be a strong young women who knows who she is.  I hope that your testimony of the gospel is growing and that you have a good relationship with Heavenly Father.  I hope you can feel the love of a family who cares about you very much, even if we can't see you.  I hope you know that you are not alone.  

Kortni - You are one of the reasons that I want to live better each day.  You are one of the reasons I have hope.  I am hoping for that day that through the atonement all tears and hurt will be gone.  And most of all, I hope you know that someday when you are ready, that I am here, just aching to love you.You are a very important part of our family!  I'll save a seat for you...right next to me!

Missing you more every day! 

Love,

Aunt Bec

Well then...

So I am still alive... I know some days even I wonder that.  Looking at my blog I realized that it has been a really long time since I wrote an informative post, and not just something that I felt good about. 

It is funny to realize that we are half way through January, and guess what... No new years resolutions. It was on my to do list for the last three weeks, but I always run out of day before I run out of things!  Besides, it is easier to keep them if you don't make them right.  Instead I decided I am just going to try and be better every day.  There are a bizillion little things that I need to do every day, and I am hoping that they will add up to be big changes.  You know those changes that you can look back and say... Why did I ever live like that?   I know it is easy to get discouraged and think I need to do it all at once, but this last year has brought me some harsh but great reality.  I can't do it all.  Sorry to all of those who I had fooled into thinking I was super girl! (Okay... I am being honest...Sorry Sid) It just isn't possible nor is it supposed to be. 

So what am I doing these days?? 

First of all... I am smiling.  Have you ever noticed how many funny things there are in the world?  I am also smiling about all of the blessings that I receive daily.  I have a great life! 

I am also still serving in the YW presidency in my ward.  I am almost positive that I have the best YW in the entire world in my ward.  This weekend we took them on an overnight trip and they stayed up all night giggling.  Okay... a little honesty...yesterday at 3pm when I came home and crashed for 15 hours I might have not been thinking that, but today....It's True!  I feel like Heavenly Father must know how much I need the strength of these wonderful YW to keep me moving forward in life.  They make me smile a lot.

I started school last week...AGAIN.  I am still a junior in status, but after this semester I will have over 100 credits.  Sadly, most of those are just fluffy electives that are doing me no good towards my degree program, but look at all the knowledge I am gaining in re-doing them. (Trying to convince myself)!  I am not sure when I will be done...Someday!  I am just trying to apply that "Cheerfully do all things" part of the scriptures.  I am realizing that Math should be required of all college Freshman and that they should have to continue doing it until they have all of the required math classes done.  Patience! 

I am still working at Pinnacle Security.  We have made some well needed changes to our departments management, and it is back to where I enjoy going to work.  We are starting the beginning of our busy season, and it looks like I will be traveling again this year.  It is fun to get out of the office every once in a while and still get paid for it! 

And Finally.... I am starting to feel healthy again after having mono, swine flu, and every other flu bug that went around the state of Utah this fall.  I started walking this week thanks to the help of my sweet friend Jana.  It has been hard to get back into the swing of things.  I had to laugh while walking the other day...a lady ran past me and I just thought to myself.  I used to think this was fun.  Even though it isn't fun right now I am so very thankful that I actually have enough energy that I can do it. 

"When asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty
my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup."
Sam Lefkowitz

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the times that you have supported and lifted me, to help keep me smiling... when I thought I couldn't go on another day. I am smiling, and it is because of such wonderful family and friends like you! Hope you are all well and happy.  

Where are you Christmas?

Tonight as I was taking my sweet little niece and nephews home a Christmas song came on the radio.  Kaelee, my niece who is 13 turned up the radio so she could here it.  It was the song from the Grinch who Stole Christmas "Where are you Christmas".  I brought back a memory of a Christmas party where I had made Kaelee stand up and sing it in front of a ton of people.  What a cute little song it turned out to be.  What a sweet Christmas that was.

As the song went on I couldn't help but think:  This is my Christmas Theme Song.  I fondly remember Christmases that I couldn't wait for them to come, where I was exited about everything.  This year I didn't even hang a Christmas ornament.  I feel like so much has been going on that I haven't had the time to enjoy Christmas.  I spent one day shopping and that wasn't even shopping really.   I didn't even get Christmas cards out this year. 




As hard as it is, I realize that Christmas isn't all of the things that I put so much stock into.  It isn't about getting the perfect gift or decorating the tree or even the wonderful smells of Christmas.  Christmas is about celebrating the life of my Savior and what he did for me.  It is about spending quality time with those I love, it is about reaching out to those around.  Christmas is about forgetting yourself.   

So to you all... I wish you a Merry Christmas. 

May you have a moment to reflect on the love of the season.

I hope that your heart is touched when you think of all the sweet people who care so much about you, and include me in that list.  

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. "  Dr. Seuss

My Sweet Assurance

I have been so blessed to attend Time Out for Women twice this year.  What a great joy!  Talk about two days of greatness!  

This year the theme for the conference was "Sweet Assurance - the certainty that comes when you know life's truths."

As the meeting comes to a close they encourage us to go home and share our sweet assurances, the truths that we know, no matter what with those around us.  Tonight those around me are...  Well okay just me, so I thought I would share with you hope you don't mind.

My Sweet Assurances:

The Things I know, No Matter What.

•  I know that I am absolutely a daughter of my Heavenly Father who loves me more than I can comprehend.
• I know that He knows my name
• I know that there is something on this earth that only I can accomplish or that I have a divine mission
• I know that because my Father loves me so much He gives me trials that are helping me to remember who I have always been and who I will become
• I know that my Father can still see part of a little 8 year old girl who wanted so badly to be like Jesus, and even when I forget about her He sends me sweet reminders.
• I know that life is sometimes hard.... VERY HARD... and that there is a time to cry and a time to laugh, but as we go through each of those times our Savior is at our side, rejoicing at times and holding us while we cry at others.
• I know that eventually everything will turn out right, even if I can't see that right now.
• I know that I have learned far more about the plan of happiness, the atonement, and My Savior by going through my struggles and trials than I ever have from setting in church.
• I know that when I put my trust in the Lord He will not forsake me, even if I turn my back on him.
• I know that my Father can take my small and sometimes inadequate talents and gifts and multiply them into exactly what I need.
• I know that even if I have enough faith, if I go to the temple everyday (I wish), if I fast faithfully, even all that I possibly can there are somethings that the Lord will not take away or "healings" that will not happen.  
• I know that there are somethings that I am given that I absolutely can not handle on my own, for if I could I wouldn't need the atonement, but I know that with the Saviors help I can handle anything.  
• I know that the plan of happiness was not Plan B, but that it was the first choice, and there is nothing that is happening today that is not surprising to Father in Heaven, and that he sent me here because he knew I could handle it.
• I know that I am going to make it!   

How thankful I am to sweet people who take their time to share thier testimony's with me and who are unselfish enough to allow the spirit to be present in my life.  This year through time out I was able to see a few very direct affects of the atonement in my life as I witnessed several tender mercies that occoured while there.  My testimony was strengthened as my prayers were answered while attending TOFW in Phoenix in that a very dear sweet friend from my past whom I still love dearly but I have hurt very badly had the courage to do one of those hard things in life to stop and talk to me.   Thank you for creating a tender mercy in my life that day.  Bless you!  My prayers were again answered while attending in Salt Lake the spirit spoke to my heart and shared messages that I have been waiting for for a very long time.  I know that life will not always be wonderful and happy, but how thankful I am for the sweet assurances that I do have that will help me make it through those times of struggles.

The Girls

Time Out for Women in Phoenix

Dear Holly -

Dear Holly -

Posting this the night before your birthday because I don't want to miss it.  First and foremost ... Let me remind you.  I am a baby.  I am sitting here at my computer tonight crying.... Two reasons:  1 - Realizing that while last week in my moment of not wanting to live anymore (Thank you swine flu) I forgot to get your card & book (I know you are already dying to know what it is...) in the mail (remember last year it only took me until February), hoping you can forgive me and 2 - When I think about the ways you have blessed my life I can't help but cry. 

"ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS IN LIFE IS HAVING WORDS IN YOUR HEART THAT YOU CAN'T UTTER"  

~ James Earl Jones

Remember the first time I showed up at your house.  I was there to do my duty as a sad scared little girl who didn't fit in anywhere posing as a visiting teacher.  I was amazed at all of the warmth that was inside the walls of your home - all the wonderful Disney everywhere, and your love of people.   I am pretty sure I didn't say more than two words at that meeting, but that was okay with you.  You still let me come back.  What was greater is the next time you opened your door as a true friend who could see beyond that tough "I'm okay" shell to see the broken heart that I liked to keep hidden.  You didn't ask a million questions or make me tell you my story, you just loved me.  What developed over the next three years has gone down in my book of "super fabulous" things in my life.  "Super Fabulous" are the Thatcher Family, the way that they have let me become part of thier family, the way they have opened up thier home and thier hearts, & "Super Fabulous" the people that they are, and "Super Fabulous" the way they leave you feeling. 

"People love others not for who they are,
but for how they make them feel."

~Irwin Federman.

And so my dear friend Holly.... Today I celebrate with you, even if it is from a million miles away.  Happy Birthday!  I hope this day is filled with the same "Super Fabulous" that you have filled my life with.  For all of the million and one things you do for me, I thank you.  May you have a little pie or cookies or what ever else you choose, (since you don't like cake)  and remember all those like me, whose world is a much better place because Holly Hansen Thatcher has touched it.    

"There are two important days in a woman's life-the day she is born and the day she finds out why."

~ Elaine Cannon

Missing you and wishing that Casper were a little closer tonight.  Celebrate!  You deserve it.

Love,

Bec

Another Testament

Sweet Dreams

 

One day this week I woke up in a particularly foul mood.  I even had the thought...Don't get out of bed, don't do it.  Not today.  The reason for my mood was two fold: First, I had managed to sleep through the alarm for over an hour - something I have been really good at for the last 3 months but trying to overcome. Second, I had just woke up from one of the most rotten dreams I have had in a long time.  - No it wasn't a big spider coming to try to attack me...I would have welcomed that dream over the one I had.   It wasn't the one where you get on the bus before you notice that you haven't got dressed (I stopped having that one a few years ago).  It was just a bad one!

 

As I got ready for work it seemed that nothing was going to go right that day.  My hair would have looked better if I had stuck my finger in the light socket, my clothes which I had pictured fitting me a different way were a painful reminder that I have put on a lot of weight since the last time I went shopping, and to make matters worse I was going to be at least two hours late for work.  I kept thinking you should have stayed in bed!  

All day long I stewed about why I had to have stupid dreams.  I am the kind of person that once an image or idea is placed in my head I will dream about it.  While this has brought great joy for a lot of my family on many occasions because when I dream I talk and live the dream, I absolutly hate it.  I hate how real they become to me.  I hate waking up and not knowing if the dream was a reality.   But, I hadn't thought of the people I was dreaming about or the idea that became my dream for quite a long time and all the sudden there was my dream, robbing me of any hope of a good day.  

As I was driving home after class that night I decided I needed to have a conversation with myself, yes I know I am weird but I do that.  As I was discussing the fact that I had managed to let one stupid dream make me have a terrible day I had an idea hit me like a ton of bricks!  Why waste my time focusing on the negative dreams of life?  

I have had many experciances in life that have proved to me that I can't control everything, and more often than not those have lead to some very sweet experiances as I learned to trust in the Lord and have faith not only in his plan but his timing.  So here I was driving down the freeway talking to myself trying to decide what else to focus on rather than negative dreams.  The thought came - Create good dreams ... Have hope for those good things.  

The conversation continued...What are the good dreams?  No sooner had I got that out of my mouth when I thought of a few things I hope for in my life.  I hope someday to be a mom and not just the least favorite aunt. I hope to be a good role model to the youth that someday I will get to teach. I dream about the days when I have become that truly good person with the good, kind, and loving heart that I dream about being.  But, I must say the sweetest spirit came to me as I thought about the dream that I have for all of those wonderful people in my life who are struggling in thier lives - specifically my brothers.  I have this ongoing dream that someday we will all set down together where we will all be in white, where they will know how much I love them, and where they will know how much our Heavenly Father, and our elder brother, Jesus Christ love them.  I love my brothers so very much.  With this thought came the realization that I have some work to do.  So here it is - I know that the our Loving Heavenly Father can and will use us to bless the lives of others as we turn to Him and seek for his guidance in finding ways to help those who are in need.  I realize that sometimes the things he asks us to do are not easy, but helping those around us is always worth it.  I know that as I do my very best to help my brothers that I will be met with opposition, but I do not want them to ever feel like they are less then the good men that they are - Sons of our Heavenly Father.  

 

When I made it home that night, I couldn't help think of the ways that the Lord teaches me in my life, and how he wants me to be happy.  I am thankful that he has given me the desire to be happy. That night as I went to sleep I wasn't worried about the rotten dream coming back to me.  That dream as well as all the others may come and go, but I can choose to focus on the good dreams of life, and work towards seeing those dreams come true!

 

Sweet Dreams To You All!