Day 1 - I understand

I Understand.  This is a phrase I have desperately tried to remove from my frequent vocabulary.  Especially when talking to other people about situations that they are going through.  I know we all have the best intentions when saying it to each other but there have been times when the inner devil in me wants to just argue with the kind person who has said it to me.

I heard it constantly when I was struggling with infertility.  The times that it stung the worst was when a sweet mother who was holding her fourth or fifth child would tell me "I understand" how hard it is for you to not be able to have children.  Really.  Because you know how hard it is to see loving moms adoring their children and knowing that for whatever reason you can't join them?

Another time when it has been repeated was when my Dad passed away.  I think that was the time I truly despised it.  Sweet kind people would come and tell me how they understood the pain I was feeling...

OKAY OKAY... This is not meant to be the bitter rantings of a crazy lady so I am going to stop and explain.  I am not trying to wrongfully judge those who have so kindly taken the time to express their concern for me or my situation.  Even though I just made it sound like I hated all of the well wishing and encouragement that came with all those "I understands" it's not true.  I feel extremely blessed by all of those who have taken their time to try to lift me up, to help me see that the sun will shine again in my life.  Here is my conclusion though:  We all feel differently, We all deal differently.  We all have different backgrounds, different Gethsemane's.  Because of this there is only one person who truly knows who truly understands exactly what we are going through.  Surely we all know something of loss, of heartache, of disappointment but I don't think there is anyway we can truly understand exactly how deep those heartaches are for each other.  All the while - how blessed we are - how blessed I am to be surrounded by those tender hearts who are willing to patiently wait as I try to understand just exactly the why's and what's of life.  I am grateful for those who understand that I don't want to be a human porcupine but sometimes it's safer and easier to push everyone away.  While I don't understand the reasons why I have been so blessed to have all of the wonderful blessings in my life-I remain grateful that I do.