30 day blog challenge - - - Take 750K

I know what you are thinking....Here we go again.... She is starting another one of those things where she might be really good for a couple of days and then she is going to forget all about it for about two months and then she will get on a big kick and start doing it again....  And to that I say...

Today is a brand new day and I have no clue, but I am going to try.

Crazily enough I actually like blogging.  It makes me feel like I am being an active participant in my life.  It makes me realize just how blessed I am.  It helps me to see that there is a bigger picture.  It helps me get things off my chest.  But... somehow just like everyone else sometimes I make it one of those things that I just can't seem to get in, and so I guilty avoid it, and everyone else's blogs that I love to read because I just can't seem to find any other time besides 3 am and that time is generally reserved for an hour of two of sleep or something like that.  So I apologize if you have missed my comments on your blogs.  It's not you, it's me.  I would love to promise that I am going to do better but I don't like to make promises I am not positive I can keep.  So instead, I will say again, I am going to try to be better.

Life has been CRAZY RIDICULOUS INSANE in the last few months.  There have been so many days that I am reminded that my emotions are truly a roller coaster - and not one of those fun ones that just do little ups and downs.  Nope - it's the Straight up to drop straight down like "Wicked" roller coaster at Lagoon, but it also includes some serious jerking motions like my least favorites "Mouse Trap".  And while I like roller coasters there are days when I feel like throwing the fit like the four year old inside of me and just saying "I don't want to ride anymore".  I get this determination that I am not going to get on the rides anymore only to find myself waiting in line a few minutes later.  But you guys all know what that is like right....Sure you do.  Go ahead and say it "Bec - you have no idea what a roller coaster ride even is"

There have been a few experiences that have happened in the last month that have kind of rocked my world, and maybe not in the best ways.  Surely they have sent to help me become a better person, but like most of the experiences I have been blessed with in the last year, I haven't allowed myself to see them that way like I should.  Somedays I feel like the grinch whose heart was two sizes too small.  Other days I am pretty sure there isn't even a heart in there at all ( whether there is a brain in my head has been in question for a while)

But tonight - Today actually I have had a sweet reminder that I have a loving and kind Heavenly Father who loves me, who knows me, who cares about me, and who is waiting for me to see just how much I need him.  Luckily for me He hasn't given up on me.  Even though I have given up on myself.  One of the only things I actually comprehend and understand from Isaih's teachings in the Book of Mormon is the times when he says "His arms are outstretched still".  I think about this a lot.  I often forget just how blessed I am that I have a Savior, a Redeemer, a Friend, a brother who patiently waits for me. There is such a lesson for me to learn from that.  Somedays I get so frustrated with people and the choices they make, but at the end of the day I look in the mirror to see that other people are probably thinking the same about me.  Luckily for all of us on all of our days good and bad "His arms are outstretched still"

Sorry that wasn't the post I was going to make, but it's what came out...probably because I needed it to. In my head I am singing "It's my blog and I'll write if I want to, write if I wan't to" - in my selfish little brat voice. Ha Ha.  But in all seriousness.  I am blessed.  I know it.  Someday I will live like I know it as well.  Hopefully the next 30 days will help me to realize just how blessed I truly am.