Day 2 - In 10 years

Sadly enough if someone had asked me 10 years ago where I wanted to be today my answer would probably be pretty close to what it is now, well except 10 years ago I had an important piece of the puzzle that is now M.I.A.  but to avoid being a depressing blog lets get real here...Go ahead, kick off your shoes, lets have a "sharing circle" as some of my best and dearest friends like to call it.

10 years ago life was completely crazy - to save all of the drama of remembering we will just keep it simple and say my family was struggling.  We had tons of heartbreak in 2002.  I never thought I could ever be happy again.  I remember thinking that the sun was never going to shine again.  But surprisingly enough, I was able to see the sun again.  I remember during one extremely difficult time at the end of 2002 going for a drive and screaming at the top of my lungs to the heavens asking Heavenly Father to "cut it out"  - looking back I am pretty sure there was a lightening cloud directly over my head.  BUT - just like any kind and loving Father would do after my ranting and raving I don't think I will ever forget the feelings that I got after that moment.  And to "trifle not" lets just say I walked away from that crazy experience knowing that somehow someday every thing was going to be alright.  I knew that I had to be patient because that time might not be while I am on this earth, but I knew it would all work out.

And fast forward to 10 years after that...Here we are in 2012.  Some of those things that I was so worried about have worked out and are alright - better than I imagined.  For instance - I have been richly blessed by having a new sweet sister in law and a darling niece that I never would have imagined 10 years ago.  There have been many many tender mercies that I have received in the last 10 years that I never would have imagined.  But....it hasn't all been a sunshine and flowers.  There have still been days of profound sorrow and heartache, and still even days when I am pretty sure that sun is never going to shine again.  But I know something that I didn't know or rather didn't realize at the start of 2002.  It's going to be alright.  It really is.

One of my favorite methods of torture to my family when I was a little girl was watching the video "I'll build you a rainbow" over and over and over again on Sundays.  But now, today, those words mean so much to me and so often come to mind.  Not only is my Earthly Father up in heaven building rainbows to remind me of his love and watching over me, but just as He has always done I have a Heavenly Father who builds rainbows, heals hearts, gives me strength to make it through the daily doubts and fears...Fathers who are happy in Heaven watching over their little girl.

So looking forward to 10 years from now and where I want to be.  In 10 years I want to be able to look back at 2011 - 2012 and know that everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what that reason is.  I want to be happy.  I want to know that there is a purpose for me here on this earth.  I want to know I am helping to lift someone else load and make the world a better place.  And in those 10 years I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have my lifelong dream come true - to have a couple of sweet little kiddos who call me mommy, with their Daddy who adores me and helps me find the strength to slay the dragons that may come.  A girl can dream can't she ?!?  But if not I still have the worlds favorite Aunt title to work towards, and that will keep me plenty busy.


Sorry....ranting...maybe I just need to make this private so you guys don't know just how crazy I really I am.