If you can LAUGH at it,

You can LIVE with it!

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Ringing in the new year

Celebrating the new year with the Smith Family! Hope your celebrations were as great as mine!


Goodbye 2011 ~

Dear 2011 -

I don't know how to say this, so I am just going to come right out and say it.

I am breaking up with you. 

That sounds so immature, like what I did with my junior high boyfriend. But it just has to happen.  

2011, you took a lot from me. You took some good relationships, a job, but my greatest heartache was when you took my Dad.  I don't know if I will ever forgive you for that.  

But in all fairness, you did give me a lot.  A lot of learning, a lot of growing, a lot of fun, and a lot of happiness.  You allowed me to have some great relationships that changed my life.  You allowed me to create some memories that I will never forget.  You allowed me to exercise my faith like I never have before.  

Some of the experiences we shared together:



I have always considered myself to be fair, so in that spirit I have to say Goodbye.  I will try not to focus on all of our bad times, but please forgive me if for a little while I still have a hard time with you.  

In a few hours I will meet a new friend, his name is 2012.  I feel really good about our relationship.  I am looking forward to all of the growing that will continue with 2012.  I know it is going to be my best year yet, not perfect (because lets be honest nobody is) but it's going to be great.  Why...Because if I have learned nothing else from this year I have learned this...Everything I have gone through or will go through is for a purpose.  Nothing is by accident, and while some of those experiences are very painful they are helping to shape me into the person I am supposed to be.  It's going to be great because I have finally realized that I am not in control and someone greater than me has all of the plans laid out perfectly, even when I don't see them.  


So Goodbye 2011. I don't think I will miss you. 


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Thursday, December 29, 2011

A good day




Christmas Eve we went sledding with my Uncle Kim & his Family.  It was a good day, a very good day.  I love my cousin and her sweet little kids who we have adopted as our nieces and nephew. We only had two major wipe outs, one was my sweet niece Shaina (Sorry I wasn't there to see it) and the other was me and little Miss B (little girls with me in the top picture).  She trusted me to get her down the big hill safely.  I failed. But she has one smart Momma who picked her up, cleared the snow off her face and put her back on the sled and took her down the little hill to let her know it was okay.  A good day. 

Friday, December 23, 2011

First Christmas in Heaven

I had a post all typed out, but sometimes it's too hard to share whats going on in my head and heart. I will sum it all up with this.

Dear Dad -

Today I miss you. A whole lot. I hope it's okay that today I am not okay with everything and sometimes its hard.  Thanks for the camouflage moment this morning.  Hope you are enjoying your first Christmas in Heaven. Save me a seat.



Love
Noel (what my dad used to call me when I was a little girl)


Thanks Beth Ann for letting me steal your picture. 


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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

With a baby


"Shepherds would soon arrive and, later, wise men would follow from the East. But first and forever there was just a little family, without toys or trees or tinsel. With a baby - that's how Christmas began."




PS....I found this blog. It has helped me to remember some of those important things that I far too often overlook.  Maybe it will help you.  http://www.ashadowcanyonchristmas.blogspot.com/. It is a Christmas Advent Blog.  Enjoy.

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Thursday, December 8, 2011

And those who've been in darkness for a while...

Some days I don't get it. This week I have had several of those. I know, I know. I.KNOW. They won't last forever. They might not even last all day. But sometimes in those terribly hard moments I just don't think they will ever go away.

I had a couple of those moments last week too.  The first came when I was told I was over qualified for a position that I would have loved. Another came as I cried like a baby all the way through one of my favorite Christmas traditions "The Forgotten Carols".  I heard a little Amen in my heart when as part of the script Uncle John was talking about his beloved Sarah said something like "As much as I know that I will be with Sarah forever someday, I am often reminded that today is not that day" (At least that is what I heard...I have been wrong before).  That's how I feel on those "Some days". Full of hope for forever, but heart broke that it isn't is today.

This week I had so much hope to start the week.  It was going to be a great week!  It was going to be a week where I accomplished something great. A week I could be proud of myself. A week where my Dad could be proud. Monday was pretty amazing!  I even pretended to have the desire to decorate for Christmas...something I had to talk myself into for a bit. Sadly though, the rest of the week has been filled with more of those "Some day" moments.

Can I dodge the real responsibility that needs to be placed on me for those reasons and blame something else.  Thanks!  You may or may not know...I don't do medication. Not at all.  Well at least not for the most part.  There are some medications that I take (and looks like I will be on for the rest of my life) that I am okay with, they don't have to much of an effect on me.  But if you ever want to laugh so hard tears run down your legs (saw it on pintrest...chuckled a little) slip me a Tylenol. I will provide you with hours of entertainment. Back to the reason...On Tuesday morning I decided to start taking a new medication that my Dr. prescribed back in November but because I was scared how I would react I hadn't started taking yet.  Let's just say it's a good thing I waited.  Some of the side affects included: Hives (my neck broke out like crazy), extreme nausea, and sleep....Like 15 hours of it. Straight. Not a light, "I should wake up but I would rather not" sleep, but a cold, dead to the world, you're not waking me up if you try sleep.  With that sleep came some TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE nightmares.  Yes there were spiders dreams, but I had a couple that were even worse than that (Let's just say when I did wake up I had to check my phone to make sure I didn't make or receive the calls I dreamed about).

After cutting the dose in half, and then in half again, and then in half again (it was a pediatric dose to begin with). I am still struggling with the side affects.  Struggling is kind of an understatement.  I down right hate the stuff.  I am hoping it starts doing what it is supposed to REALLY REALLY SOON.

Anyway...I am blaming this for the majority of my "some day" moments this week.  But....Like usual, or rather always, this afternoon I stand corrected...well maybe not corrected, but humbled. Humbled that I do know that Forever will come some day, Humbled that I know that the darkness won't last forever, Humbled that sometimes I just need/have to hold on. Humbled that I have a loving Father in Heaven who loves me enough to allow me to struggle so that I can grow.

So today...I will wait for the light and enjoy it when it comes. I know it will, even if it is for just a moment.


   

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