And those who've been in darkness for a while...

Some days I don't get it. This week I have had several of those. I know, I know. I.KNOW. They won't last forever. They might not even last all day. But sometimes in those terribly hard moments I just don't think they will ever go away.

I had a couple of those moments last week too.  The first came when I was told I was over qualified for a position that I would have loved. Another came as I cried like a baby all the way through one of my favorite Christmas traditions "The Forgotten Carols".  I heard a little Amen in my heart when as part of the script Uncle John was talking about his beloved Sarah said something like "As much as I know that I will be with Sarah forever someday, I am often reminded that today is not that day" (At least that is what I heard...I have been wrong before).  That's how I feel on those "Some days". Full of hope for forever, but heart broke that it isn't is today.

This week I had so much hope to start the week.  It was going to be a great week!  It was going to be a week where I accomplished something great. A week I could be proud of myself. A week where my Dad could be proud. Monday was pretty amazing!  I even pretended to have the desire to decorate for Christmas...something I had to talk myself into for a bit. Sadly though, the rest of the week has been filled with more of those "Some day" moments.

Can I dodge the real responsibility that needs to be placed on me for those reasons and blame something else.  Thanks!  You may or may not know...I don't do medication. Not at all.  Well at least not for the most part.  There are some medications that I take (and looks like I will be on for the rest of my life) that I am okay with, they don't have to much of an effect on me.  But if you ever want to laugh so hard tears run down your legs (saw it on pintrest...chuckled a little) slip me a Tylenol. I will provide you with hours of entertainment. Back to the reason...On Tuesday morning I decided to start taking a new medication that my Dr. prescribed back in November but because I was scared how I would react I hadn't started taking yet.  Let's just say it's a good thing I waited.  Some of the side affects included: Hives (my neck broke out like crazy), extreme nausea, and sleep....Like 15 hours of it. Straight. Not a light, "I should wake up but I would rather not" sleep, but a cold, dead to the world, you're not waking me up if you try sleep.  With that sleep came some TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE nightmares.  Yes there were spiders dreams, but I had a couple that were even worse than that (Let's just say when I did wake up I had to check my phone to make sure I didn't make or receive the calls I dreamed about).

After cutting the dose in half, and then in half again, and then in half again (it was a pediatric dose to begin with). I am still struggling with the side affects.  Struggling is kind of an understatement.  I down right hate the stuff.  I am hoping it starts doing what it is supposed to REALLY REALLY SOON.

Anyway...I am blaming this for the majority of my "some day" moments this week.  But....Like usual, or rather always, this afternoon I stand corrected...well maybe not corrected, but humbled. Humbled that I do know that Forever will come some day, Humbled that I know that the darkness won't last forever, Humbled that sometimes I just need/have to hold on. Humbled that I have a loving Father in Heaven who loves me enough to allow me to struggle so that I can grow.

So today...I will wait for the light and enjoy it when it comes. I know it will, even if it is for just a moment.