I don't get it...

I don't get why there has to be letters in my math - when I was learning to count my mom never taught me 2x + 3y.  I also don't get why someone who wants to teach business and marketing to high school kids needs to take 3 science classes.  I don't get how the street lights know when I am running late - it seems they all turn red at the wrong time on those days.  I don't get people's metobolism... why is it that one person can eat a 27 course meal and not gain an ounce and others of us smell food and gain 5 pds.  I don't get how My mom always knew when I had done something wrong.  I don't get why I did not come with a built in filter - it would save me a lot of hassle, it seems like I am always pulling my foot out of my mouth.

Other things I don't get are how some women can walk away from their darling little children to pursue a less complicated life.   I don't get why some women who want so desperately to have kids can't seem to get them. I don't get how easily we can give up on the people we love.  I don't get how some of the guilty people always seem to get all the breaks.  I don't get why there has to be that one scene or one word in great movies that just ruin the whole thing just to get a rating.

Probably most importantly though... I don't get how after all of the terrible mean things I do and all of the mistakes I make on a daily basis I have a Heavenly Father and a Savior who still love me.  I don't get all of the particulars of the atonement but I am and will forever be grateful for the eternal blessings that have come to me because of that event.  What I do get is that My Heavenly Father Loves me, He hears my prayers, and that He cares and knows my heartbreaks.  How thankful I am for that!

a window into...

So here's the deal... I would consider myself a pretty private person - for the most part.  Part of that is because I like to think of myself as an fierce independent person who doesn't need anyone to worry about her.  Part of that is because there is a small (yet crazy) part that often feels like if people want to know they can ask and really who cares about the craziness that is me - ?!?!...Yikes - I just admitted that, but I am working on fixing both problems.

But today - - well today I am going to throw open the window of my life a little - go out on a limb - open up my sharing circle and give you a small glimpse into my life right now - feel free to leave this blog now, I am not sure exactly how interesting it may be...

Throughout my life I have lived in 7 different towns - including the one place I said I would NEVER EVER live.  I have had 10 real grown up jobs - some of them have been as fun as selling pigs and tires to the crazy Accountant/HR Manager/Customer Service Manager/Office Manager (Yes all of those at one time).

I have held the title of Daughter, Sister, Friend, Cousin, Aunt, Wife and then Ex-Wife (honestly forget these sometimes), Teacher, Queen of the neighborhood, meanest girl I have ever met, boss, and slave.  My Dad went Home a year and a half ago and I still miss him everyday - even though I know He is okay and Happy.

 I don't cry as much as some people think I should, and sometimes I think I am way to emotional for my own good.

 I have a strong dislike for fuzzy fruit (peaches, apricots....) and tomatoes but I love love love Chocolate.  I collect cookbooks but my cooking skills - well, my food board on pinterest is called "if only my cooking were edible".  Currently I live with family but spend a lot of time dreaming of how I am going to decorate my next home.

I have run a marathon in the past but the thought of walking around the block kind of makes me want to pass out.  I have been labeled by almost everyone who really knows me as a workaholic and am guilty of having no balance in my life. (working on this one...seriously working on it).  

I used to dream about teaching High school, and now I am completely satisfied teaching Sunday School to a group of great teenagers.  While I really like my current job my dream job would be to be an event planner.  I have felt like I could be a motivational speaker in the past, but sometimes get scared talking to people. 

 I love music - most types and I think I surprise most people when Techno music comes across my radio.  I am most happy when I see those around me happy.  I love taking naps.

I sometimes get sad because I may not get the opportunity to bear children in this life but feel extremely blessed when I have an abundance of "mothering" opportunities in my life. I am a control freak and struggle with OCD, but there have been times in the past where I had to bribe my siblings to come clean my house for me.  I have loved and been loved.

Although sometimes I get frustrated because my life hasn't turned out the way that I planned, I find peace in knowing that it is turning out exactly the way that my Heavenly Father planned.  And did I mention - I am pretty stinkin lucky!  Cause I am! 

Daring Myself

So it's been a while, a really long while since I have done anything on this here blog.  Sure I have wanted to, sure I have logged in a bazillion times to actually blog but obviously that hasn't happened.  I always thought that I needed to play this major game of catch up, but the truth of the matter is... well I can't, and I think subconsciously I might not want to.  Don't worry, the events of the last ...um way to many months have been recorded, just not here.  But moving forward...

I am a Huge fan of the LDS Author and speaker, Brad Wilcox, in several of his talks he describes a person who realizes that they have done something wrong and they say in frustration "I will never do that again", and then they do, and then they again say "I will never do that again" and then again they do...  Anyway, this cycle goes on and while the rest of the story doesn't really matter for this post that is kind of how I have felt about this blog.  I started this as a way for me to recognize and remember and share just how great my life is.  Just how many things are right in my world... Well at different times in the past I have decided to take those challenges, you know the ones..."30 days to a happier blog", "30 days to know yourself better blog" each time I started I would have this little pep talk with myself about how this time I was going to be better about it, and then just like the story above I would make it through the first day beautifully - the second day, well that is when it became a little more challenging.  To toot my own horn for 3 seconds I do think I made it through day 5 on one of those challenges, but it may have taken me 3 weeks to do it :)  Any who...

Today I am daring myself.... Daring myself to open my eyes again to all the GREATNESS that is every where in my life - because whether I chose to see it or not.  Life is good.  Really good.  I am daring myself to spend time focusing, changing, growing and becoming that person I want to be.  I am daring myself to be Awesome.  I am daring myself to be happy.  I am daring myself to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good aunt, a good friend. I am daring myself to not be afraid to be me.  Maybe you will see some of the fruits of those dares here, hopefully you will!