Dear Kortni

Dear Kortni -

Some days it seems like time stands still and others it seems as if it is flying by.  Today is one of those flying by days.  It is really hard for me to realize that you are celebrating your big 14th birthday today.  I still remember going to the hospital seeing you so tiny, hooked up to all those crazy machines and tubes when you were born.  I thought the doctor was trying to kill you when he flipped your small body over and your head didn't move. It was hard for us to be so exited and scared all at the same time.  I loved shopping in the premee section, trying to find you clothes to wear since you were so early.  I remember watching them fold the new born diapers over, and then over again, just to get them to fit.  You were so small, the size of a video tape in weight and size! 

Tonight Korti - the big 14!  And how I wish that I could share the day with you, at least a phone call, a card, a love, but I did have many many thoughts about you.  I hope that where ever you are in the world that you know your Aunt Bec loves you.   You are always in my thoughts and prayers!  I spend a lot of time wondering who you look like now?  Do you still have that sweet birthmark on your cheek or did you grow out of it like the Doctors said you would?  Are you still as smart as you were when I last saw you?  Do you still love animals the way you did?  I hope that you still have your sweet giggle - that melted my heart every time.  Did you gain your Mom's good sense of humor?  Do you still hate pink? All questions I wish I could ask you.  I sometimes imagine who you are today, wondering if you would know me if I saw you.  Sometimes I dream about our reunion...it always brings me happy thoughts! 

One of my most favorite memories are when we did our hair and dressed alike.  I hope that you got a copy of those pictures somewhere, because they are treasures to me.  You always had such a sweet smile! 

I hope you don't mind if I have a birthday wish for you today.  My birthday wish for you is that you are growing up to be a strong young women who knows who she is.  I hope that your testimony of the gospel is growing and that you have a good relationship with Heavenly Father.  I hope you can feel the love of a family who cares about you very much, even if we can't see you.  I hope you know that you are not alone.  

Kortni - You are one of the reasons that I want to live better each day.  You are one of the reasons I have hope.  I am hoping for that day that through the atonement all tears and hurt will be gone.  And most of all, I hope you know that someday when you are ready, that I am here, just aching to love you.You are a very important part of our family!  I'll save a seat for you...right next to me!

Missing you more every day! 

Love,

Aunt Bec