What Will I Do...

To say this week has been tough might be an understatment.  Maybe a huge one.  It's been hard for all of us I think - Us being my family.   The whole waterworks show started again every time I would log on to one of my least favorite places to see what my sisters had on their walls - Hannah and her silly shirt that I hope she always keeps - Heather missing Dad's help with a project she is doing - Shell had some really sweet pictures - I stole one of them from her. 

My Dad LOVED to cook...when it came to cooking in a dutch oven he was a master! 
He REALLY LOVED to cook breakfast for the hundreds of people every year at our family Reunion
I don't think that breakfast will EVER be the same, for anyone

 Several times this week in the middle of one of my many eye cleansing sessions I have had thoughts to remind me this isn't forever and with that came a small sense of comfort but as quickly as they would come my natural Bec - the one who just misses her Dad would start with the millions of questions.  Why - most of them all begin with why, but there were a few of the what's questions too...What do I need to start or stop doing so that this doesn't have to be forever, What would He tell me if He could call me on the phone, What will it be like to see him again...just to share a small few.

This week every one of my prayers have included something about asking to be able to feel the comfort of my Dad (Thanks Mig), and tonight I got a sweet text from a friend asking how I was doing and if I was going to be okay tomorrow (technically today right). When I told her I would make it through the day whether I wanted to or not she responded with another one of those comforting thoughts "I know your Dad is proud of you and is thinking about you as much as you think about and miss him. I am praying for you to feel him close" Isnt' it great when others are praying for what you think you need too.  Thank you Myndi.  I really appreciate all of you who are praying for us today. 

A few years ago for fathers day I got my Dad a picture that had the favorite quote:

This was how my Dad lived his life.  He didn't care about living in a mansion or driving a new car or the toys that others have.  My Dad cared about people.  He cared about his friends - regardless if they were in his 11 year old scout group or people he grew up with.  He cared about his family.  He cared about me. He wasn't perfect, we had our good share of fights and disagreements, and there were plenty of times when I didn't understand some of the things he did, but I always knew He loved me.  So, even if it is only my world - which I know it isn't - the world is a much better place because people were important to my Dad. 

 About 15 years (yikes) ago I heard a song that made me completely change some plans that I had been thinking.  You can think I am silly all you want, but bieng the planner that I am it was the song that I wanted to dance with my Dad to at my wedding.  That is the whole reason that I had one of the wierdest receptions and had a "program" at my reception was so that I could dance with my Dad to this song. 

And maybe it's not cool that I share this picture, because of the circumstances of everything, but if you don't think it's okay, just scroll down a little quickly. 

I wish I had the picture that was taken right after this to show here instead...It was a closeup of my Dad's face, I love it! 

Never had I imagined that the day that My dad would be gone would come so quickly into my life.  Every Day I still miss him, Every day I still have thoughts about calling him to ask him something, every day I still wish he was here to help me work my way through the latest mess I have created for myself (those seem to change daily).  But I am also trying to focus on becoming more like him focusing on the fact that no one was a stranger to my Dad, he would always talk to people wherever he went and when he was done with the conversation they usually felt like they had been talking to a friend.  That is something I want to be better about.  Working on it.  

So it's fathers day...Can I be too emotional and say - Don't take it for granted.  Those of you who still have your Dad's here, make sure they know how much you love them.  Someday you might have to experience your first fathers day without him - when all you want to do is call him up to tell him about your day, or a certain problem you need him to help you work through or simply just to say Hi.  You will wish you could send him that silly card that would make him smile.  You will want to just visit with him.

And to my sweet family: I often have to chuckle a little bit when I think of "He's Busy" ... Maybe that is because he is in a position where he can in some what communicate with some of his more stubborn children (I think I fall into that category - Stubborn that is).  I know that today will be a day of tears, and I say that is just fine.  But how lucky are we - lucky to know that we that promise of forever if we start living that way today.  We can do it...Dad's there helping us. 

“When messengers are sent to minister to the inhabitants of this earth,

they are not strangers,

but from the ranks of our kindred, friends, and fellow-beings and fellow-servants...

Our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth,

having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges,

may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again,

bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction,

to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh.”

(Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1970, pp. 435–36.)

Happy Fathers Day - Sending my love to heaven!