So as told in my last post, changes were coming, and most of those changes have come. On September 19th, after putting on a lovely "Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful" ball for our Young Women and their dads the night before I was released from my calling as the first councilor in the Young Women Presidency. While I had had weeks to prepare for the release it was still really hard. I have come to love the Young Women and the leaders who I was blessed to serve with so much. My visiting teacher hit the nail right on the head when she said "It's like your loosing your family". I feel like that! These wonderful young ladies have become some of my closest friends as we have served together, prayed together, fasted together, cried together, worried together, spent a lot of really late nights talking together, and loving each other together.
"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected."
~Nicholas Sparks
It has been really hard adjusting to it, and still after a month I still wake up on Tuesday morning stressed about what we are doing for our activity, and remembering what I forgot I said I would do and then forgot to do. I have had a few of those "Are they going to be alright without me" feelings, and there have been times that I still just break right down and cry like a baby. Call me crazy but I hate change. I thought I would be a lot less busy, but not true! I am still just as busy, but I think it is a different busy now. I have actually been able to pick up another class on Tuesday night which has been nice.
Segueing on... But if not...
I loved LOVED LOVED! watching General Conference a couple of weeks ago. Can I make an honest confession? Yes I can because this is my blog ... This was the first time in a REALLY long time that I actually watched or listened to all the sessions. There were so many messages that I needed to hear. I felt so very good about life after it was over. One distinct impression was that I needed to earnestly pray for the things that are important to me and be more diligent and say more heartfelt prayers. That Sunday night after conference I had a very interesting experience, similar to ones I have had in the past where I say something in my prayer and think THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS THINKING!, in other words a small answer, usually having to do with the condition of where my heart is and where it needs to be. Anyway I am praying away pouring out my heart about something I really want and something that is a good thing and then out of my mouth comes the words: "BUT IF NOT" what!!! Yep it actually came out of my mouth. I decided this was a lesson I really need to learn. When I was a little girl I had my life planned out perfectly down to the color of hair my children would have. I was going to be successful, the coolest mom on the block(probably because that was my mom), and the most popular lady in the ward (yah, I am not really sure where that one came from). When I moved to Utah I was going to finish my degree in 2 years and be making my millions... hopefully you get my point, life hasn't exactly turned out the way I thought it would, but that doesn't mean it can't be happy. I think that I need to learn right now that it is really great to have dreams and plans and to work towards making those dreams come true "BUT IF NOT" it is just fine to be happy and bloom right where you are planted.
Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
~ Margaret Lee Runbeck
"BUT IF NOT" I need to remember that I am not alone in this life that I have a Heavenly Father and a Savior who love me, and that I am truly blessed. The times when I feel alone are the times that I stop looking for those who love, looking for those who care, looking for those who want to see me be happy.
My release from Young Womens has left with the opportunity to make some decisions (Yuck)! The biggest of where I want to go to church. While I have loved and needed to be in the family ward I decided to start attending a singles ward (AAAAHHH). Now please don't take this as a plea to fix my current marital status - Not the purpose at all. I have just felt like I needed something to shake me up and make me grow a little bit (WOW!! I can't believe I actually admitted that out loud, hope it doesn't backfire on me) and that a singles ward is the place to do that. I actually went to my first one on Sunday, and I survived. It didn't feel like home yet, but it will get there... "But if not"...
Hope you are all doing well. Please let me know if I can do anything for you.
