Dear Kortni

Dear Kortni -

Some days it seems like time stands still and others it seems as if it is flying by.  Today is one of those flying by days.  It is really hard for me to realize that you are celebrating your big 14th birthday today.  I still remember going to the hospital seeing you so tiny, hooked up to all those crazy machines and tubes when you were born.  I thought the doctor was trying to kill you when he flipped your small body over and your head didn't move. It was hard for us to be so exited and scared all at the same time.  I loved shopping in the premee section, trying to find you clothes to wear since you were so early.  I remember watching them fold the new born diapers over, and then over again, just to get them to fit.  You were so small, the size of a video tape in weight and size! 

Tonight Korti - the big 14!  And how I wish that I could share the day with you, at least a phone call, a card, a love, but I did have many many thoughts about you.  I hope that where ever you are in the world that you know your Aunt Bec loves you.   You are always in my thoughts and prayers!  I spend a lot of time wondering who you look like now?  Do you still have that sweet birthmark on your cheek or did you grow out of it like the Doctors said you would?  Are you still as smart as you were when I last saw you?  Do you still love animals the way you did?  I hope that you still have your sweet giggle - that melted my heart every time.  Did you gain your Mom's good sense of humor?  Do you still hate pink? All questions I wish I could ask you.  I sometimes imagine who you are today, wondering if you would know me if I saw you.  Sometimes I dream about our reunion...it always brings me happy thoughts! 

One of my most favorite memories are when we did our hair and dressed alike.  I hope that you got a copy of those pictures somewhere, because they are treasures to me.  You always had such a sweet smile! 

I hope you don't mind if I have a birthday wish for you today.  My birthday wish for you is that you are growing up to be a strong young women who knows who she is.  I hope that your testimony of the gospel is growing and that you have a good relationship with Heavenly Father.  I hope you can feel the love of a family who cares about you very much, even if we can't see you.  I hope you know that you are not alone.  

Kortni - You are one of the reasons that I want to live better each day.  You are one of the reasons I have hope.  I am hoping for that day that through the atonement all tears and hurt will be gone.  And most of all, I hope you know that someday when you are ready, that I am here, just aching to love you.You are a very important part of our family!  I'll save a seat for you...right next to me!

Missing you more every day! 

Love,

Aunt Bec

Well then...

So I am still alive... I know some days even I wonder that.  Looking at my blog I realized that it has been a really long time since I wrote an informative post, and not just something that I felt good about. 

It is funny to realize that we are half way through January, and guess what... No new years resolutions. It was on my to do list for the last three weeks, but I always run out of day before I run out of things!  Besides, it is easier to keep them if you don't make them right.  Instead I decided I am just going to try and be better every day.  There are a bizillion little things that I need to do every day, and I am hoping that they will add up to be big changes.  You know those changes that you can look back and say... Why did I ever live like that?   I know it is easy to get discouraged and think I need to do it all at once, but this last year has brought me some harsh but great reality.  I can't do it all.  Sorry to all of those who I had fooled into thinking I was super girl! (Okay... I am being honest...Sorry Sid) It just isn't possible nor is it supposed to be. 

So what am I doing these days?? 

First of all... I am smiling.  Have you ever noticed how many funny things there are in the world?  I am also smiling about all of the blessings that I receive daily.  I have a great life! 

I am also still serving in the YW presidency in my ward.  I am almost positive that I have the best YW in the entire world in my ward.  This weekend we took them on an overnight trip and they stayed up all night giggling.  Okay... a little honesty...yesterday at 3pm when I came home and crashed for 15 hours I might have not been thinking that, but today....It's True!  I feel like Heavenly Father must know how much I need the strength of these wonderful YW to keep me moving forward in life.  They make me smile a lot.

I started school last week...AGAIN.  I am still a junior in status, but after this semester I will have over 100 credits.  Sadly, most of those are just fluffy electives that are doing me no good towards my degree program, but look at all the knowledge I am gaining in re-doing them. (Trying to convince myself)!  I am not sure when I will be done...Someday!  I am just trying to apply that "Cheerfully do all things" part of the scriptures.  I am realizing that Math should be required of all college Freshman and that they should have to continue doing it until they have all of the required math classes done.  Patience! 

I am still working at Pinnacle Security.  We have made some well needed changes to our departments management, and it is back to where I enjoy going to work.  We are starting the beginning of our busy season, and it looks like I will be traveling again this year.  It is fun to get out of the office every once in a while and still get paid for it! 

And Finally.... I am starting to feel healthy again after having mono, swine flu, and every other flu bug that went around the state of Utah this fall.  I started walking this week thanks to the help of my sweet friend Jana.  It has been hard to get back into the swing of things.  I had to laugh while walking the other day...a lady ran past me and I just thought to myself.  I used to think this was fun.  Even though it isn't fun right now I am so very thankful that I actually have enough energy that I can do it. 

"When asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty
my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup."
Sam Lefkowitz

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the times that you have supported and lifted me, to help keep me smiling... when I thought I couldn't go on another day. I am smiling, and it is because of such wonderful family and friends like you! Hope you are all well and happy.